Another Chapter 10 Entry: Help Your Children Before it is Too Late!

This is Lauren Burner, the author of this entry, between her two sisters, Sarah and Katelyn.
She explained,
"This is a picture of the ritual I described in my blog entry of reading a book every night as a family. Check out those fancy dresses and my
bowl hair cut. I am not sure what is going on with my older sister and
that face she gave,but I swear she is not as evil now as she looked in that picture. Haha!" Sarah might not appreciate that Lauren has made this picture of her public, but I'm sure she'd appreciate what Lauren has written -- and I think you will, too.

She wrote:

After reading Elkind’s chapter on the ways to reduce stress in children, I couldn’t help but relate these concepts to my own personal life. I came from a divorced household and my mother was a single parent without the help from my father. We relied heavily on my grandparents for support in raising my sisters and me. Although we spent a majority of our time with our grandparents, we were still placed in day care at an early age and spent most of our days away from our mother. When my mom would drop us off at school, she would always say, “I love you and I am going to miss you little munchkins.” She always made us aware that she did not want to leave us. She called us munchkins from the day we were born, but as I personally grew into my teenage years, my name was quickly changed to a monster.

Elkind suggests that parents need to be the prime example for children. Children in their early years tend to think more egocentrically and believe that everything is centered on them. When parents start to experience levels of stress, it is reflected upon the family and the child will start to feel those emotions associated with stress. My mom had a lot of stress when it came to being a single parent of three daughters. She had stress relating to finances, occupations, family, home related instances and education. She constantly worried about our futures and how they would reflect our childhood. Honestly, I can never remember a circumstance where I could feel my mother’s stress because she always dealt with it independently. She would sacrifice her own feelings for the sake of her children’s best interest (like any mother would!).

One thing I really cherished looking back on my childhood is that simple matter that my mother let us be children. My mother relied on us for many things when we got into our teenage years, but as children she wanted us to have the so-called “normal” childhood. We spent a massive amount of time with my grandparents, which was not normal to many of my friends. I did not spend time with my father because he gave sole custody of my older sister and me to my mom. After she divorced my dad, she married my step- father and had my little sister, Katelyn (she is the brown haired munchkin, who TRULY is the monster of the family---yet the baby as well!). We had that picture perfect image, but things inside the marriage and family were not perfect. My mom and step-father were divorced and once again my mother had to find a way to make ends meet for her family.

I have always valued the way that my grandparents and my mother have talked to us. Even as children they would explain circumstances in a way that we could understand and evaluate. They did not treat us like adults or try to mature us in any way to grow up and start dealing with the problems of life. They equally took on the role of allowing us to remain children and continue with our lives. Everyone treated us with the respect a child deserves. We were asked to do chores around the house, but were never asked without thank you or please attached to it. According to Elkind, saying thank you and please in regards to something you want a child to do allows that child to realize that they are not being told what to do but rather asked.

I found this chapter very interesting because it talked about how our society has been so rushed in terms of time in our daily schedules. Our society is so fascinated and obsessed with time that they forget to take time out for their children. Parents are so fixated on their personal lives in association with work, finances and household concerns, that they forget to take time for their children and check in with them every once in a while. My mother worked 50-hour weeks but when she would come to my grandparent’s house to pick us up, she would always make time for us and ask us how school was. We had many rituals in my family. One of the most important was when my family would sit on the couch and read a book before we got ready for bed. After the book my mother, or whoever was reading the book to us, would ask us questions about the book. This was her way of allowing us to speak our mind and treasure our time.

This idea of time and hurrying makes me think about a quote that my grandpa always said while we were growing up. “Life is not measured by the years in life; rather it is measured by the life in your years.” This quote should be valued more by our society and taught to our children more. They should continually be encouraged to play and enjoy their years and not stress over the little things that life throws their way. Parents can definitely lessen the stress that children are feeling and they can also encourage their children to be open and honest with them. These techniques will alleviate the stress placed on children and hopefully prevent the hurrying that children are experiencing in today’s society.