Another Entry on Chapter 7

This is what our latest author, Lauren Ducusin, had to say about this picture: "It's a picture of my twin sister and I dressed as bunnies. My grandma took great pride and pleasure in hand-making most of our costumes and clothes when we were little. I'm on the right, in case you can't tell! With Easter around the corner, I thought, 'Bunnies! How appropriate!' But I also chose this picture because it captures our true social personalities so well. I have always been 'the shy one.' And my sister... well, she's... not."
Lauren might be shy, but you'll see when you read her work here that she's definitely great with words!

She wrote:
Family: we all come from one. For some of us, the family is a source of great strength, safety, and belonging, or as Elkind describes it, a sort of haven. And for others, the family operates more like a prison, where members do not find refuge in familial ties, but rather, are burdened by limitations, restrictions, and disconnectivity. As a system, the family can function as either a haven or as a prison, or, as Elkind suggests, it acts as a little bit of both- both supportive and destructive, both dysfunctional and conducive. Either way, he suggests that it is from our families that we derive an understanding of how to live within a society.
From our experiences and interactions with our families, we are socialized.

According to Elkind, there are at least four ways in which families socialize their children. These ways include modeling, behavior modification, social cognition, and psychoanalysis. Elkind takes a more comprehensive approach, one that incorporates all of the positions and combines them to form a so-called “contract” model of socialization, one that focuses on parent-child contracts. I really like his perspective. It is one that is based on what he refers to as “collective realities,” shared expectancies, a complex balance between consistent parental expectations and legitimate child performance. In other words, parental expectations and child capabilities correspond. I particularly appreciate the idea that with natural maturation of a child, this perspective calls for readjustment, a reconstruction of realities. In other words, parent-child contracts need to be revised and rewritten to better fit the child’s current cognitive status. For example, when a child moves from infancy, to school-age, to adolescence, realities, too, must follow suit. Realities shift, moving from explicit to relative; to more abstract or general. Adolescents are given more freedom than they were given as young children. This freedom is to be earned when responsibility is demonstrated through their behavior. Still, it is important that this freedom be appropriate.

Children, as future contributing members of our society, are entitled to some appropriate expansions of freedom as they develop. It is equally important, however, that parental expectations not exceed a child’s capabilities. When they do, as can often occur when children are hurried, not only has the contract between child and parent been seriously violated, but it is the children who are dealt with the heaviest blow. We have all witnessed this inconsistency take place. A small child “gets to” dress himself for school, for example, because his mom is running late for work, and he is “old enough” now, but he walks outside in fifty-degree weather with his favorite Superman cape on, and unfortunately, shorts and sandals. In another instance, a first-grader is told that she can pick whatever she wants to watch on TV, because by now, she “knows what is appropriate,” but she ends up on a channel that features violence and other “adult situations.” And then, a fourth grader comes home from school to an empty house. “After all,” his dad thinks, “we can trust him to stay out of trouble. He knows right from wrong.” But this type of thinking can be faulty. It is crucial for parents to maintain a healthy balance between freedom and restriction, based on what their children can adequately handle.

In an effort to produce individuals who are socially competent, responsible, and independent, parents are often giving their children too much freedom- freedom for which they are not yet prepared. I have a real-life example of this situation to share. I have a family friend, a single mother, who is currently raising three adolescent boys. Her youngest, a sweet, funny, smart eleven year old, is a budding musician who excels at playing nearly any instrument placed in his little hands. By the age of eight, he and his “band” were playing gigs in bars and nightclubs, as elementary school-students! Sure, he is a genuinely good kid. He “knows right from wrong,” so to speak. But has he been given too much freedom? Should any young child be in such an adult atmosphere? The text addresses this type of problem, stating that when children are placed in situations in which they are perhaps given too much freedom before they are truly ready for it, they are, in some twisted way, forced to acquire the responsibility that is associated with the freedom given. This can be debilitating to a child, who is significantly limited with regards to the appropriate level of responsibility.

I think there is enough pressure on our kids today, to grow up before they are truly ready. The last place a child needs to encounter this unreasonable pressure is at home. At home, a child is supposed to feel encouraged, not hurried; appreciated, not overlooked; and worthy, not inadequate. When we expect too much, or push too hard; when we give them more freedom than they have earned, that’s exactly what we’re doing: hurrying them in their own homes. What a terrible disservice. We can encourage without pushing; we can have goals for them without making them feel inadequate; we can afford them some freedom without forcing them to acquire responsibilities that are out of their reach. As parents, we owe it to our kids to help them face the world and to see themselves as productive, stable, strong, competent members of the society, but not at the cost of their childhoods.

Second Entry on Chapter 7: Learning to Be Social

Grace Wilhelm has contributed our second entry on chapter 7, and I'll let her tell you about the childhood photo she selected. She wrote that this is "one of my favorites- such a classic picture of our personalities as kids. My older sister (on the left) was always posing and 'perfect', my twin (in the middle) was a very mischievous but funny girl, and then I just hung out with everyone. Oh, and I think we were camping somewhere, which is still our favorite family vacation!"
With all those girls in the family AND family camping vacations, Grace clearly had plenty of time to learn to be social, without being hurried. She's done a terrific job of addressing Elkind's ideas about what children need to learn to be social, so read on and see what you think.

Grace wrote:
I was initially unaware of the socialization ramifications that arise from parenting hurried children. I enjoyed Elkind’s inclusion of different theories in the first section of the chapter. Moreover, I also believe that the family unit, through a combination of many factors, largely socializes children; children develop socially through “‘modeling’ adult behavior” (p. 142), “behavior modification…of rewards and punishment,” “social cognition” (understanding rules), and “identification and internalization” (p. 143). After further reading, I began to agree with Elkind’s contract theory. I wholeheartedly believe the many nuances of expectations parents have for their children are largely unspoken. However, children soak up both spoken and unspoken rules although they may not always immediately model the behavior of their parent or caregiver.

One silly example that I immediately remembered comes from one of my favorite movies. In Baby Mama, Amy Poehler’s character Angie acts very obnoxiously and childishly even as an adult. Unable to open a baby-proofed toilet, Angie proceeds to do her business in the sink. After being caught by her friend, she claims that she didn’t know she was “breaking a rule.” This scene is particularly funny because of this preposterous statement. Children are taught to use the toilet and maintain cleanliness at young ages. By observing and imitating adults, children learn from a young age that using a sink (or anything else for that matter!) instead of the toilet is inappropriate. Therefore, children learn many other social rules simply from observation and imitation. In the same way, adults then inherently know the correct rules and methods of going to the bathroom, making Angie’s actions ridiculous.

Just as contracts are often unspoken, contracts between parents and children are often misread and misunderstood. For instance, as a child, I unconsciously knew that my parents expected me to work hard, excel, and in turn, receive good grades at school. However, sometimes I imagined that my parents had outlandish standards, so I stressed out about particular assignments until I was very worried or exhausted. When I reached adolescence and was in high school, I remember talking to my mom one day about my struggle to succeed in my chemistry class. (I am definitely not gifted in science or math, by the way.) That day, I remember my mom reassured me, told me that I did not have to receive perfect grades, and that she received some poor grades in high school too.

Elkind further ascertains that there are three main contracts that parents have with their children. Freedom is given upon a child’s level of responsibility, achievement and support are provided, and parents also desire loyalty and commitment from children. One thing Elkind mentioned about infants that I found surprising is that they are not only attached to their parents, but they are truly loyal to their parents. One vivid memory I have that demonstrates this truth comes from a conversation my twin sister had with our kindergarten teacher one day. When the classroom electric pencil sharpener was broken, my sister told our teacher, “My dad can fix it! He can fix anything!” Our dad usually fixes things at our home and solves our car problems, so to her, this was a completely valid statement. Her trust and belief in our dad’s ability to fix mechanical problems at home and work imbued in her a sense of pride and complete faith that he could definitely fix the pencil sharpener. Our teacher told our mom the story, noting Rachel’s enthusiasm and complete trust in our dad. Although we have grown up, our dad still fixes most of the mechanical problems at our house, and my loyalty to his ability has developed from a strong commitment to his exceptional skills in repairing mechanical and electronic problems.

Also, parents often offer rewards and support for their children that are potentially harmful for children. Some children may come to believe that they are not successful if their parents do not acknowledge their achievements verbally or with tangible rewards. I must admit that I was sometimes envious of my peers as a child regarding this idea of rewards. Although many of my friends received money for getting good grades, my parents never rewarded me this way. The occasional ‘good job!’ and ‘you are working so diligently!’ were often communicated but never combined with monetary rewards. Looking back, I now know how this type of support is not necessarily beneficial. Although I was initially jealous, I realize my parent’s good intentions and how I benefited from not always receiving support contingent upon rules.

Growing up in a two-parent home, I never faced many of the contractual problems that Elkind described. I experienced stability in my family by having two parents, however, I know that this is not always the case for many children. While some single parents involve other adults to help mentor their children, some may place adult burdens on the shoulders of their children who are unaware of a different reality. Therefore, I wonder how often the help of mentoring adults balances the contracts in a single parent home. In the end, I really enjoyed reading this chapter because it was thought provoking and informative. I now clearly understand the benefits and disadvantages certain parenting practices have on the socialization of children.

Chapter 7: Learning to Be Social

This is Brittany Slaven, the author of our first (of four!) entries on chapter 7. She's being social here with her maternal grandfather near his home in Tahoe, and though snowmobiling is obviously fun...

...it's not NEARLY as fun as jumping off the snowmobile to make snow angels! Brittany said that these winter vacations have left her with "memories that will last a lifetime!" When you read her entry below, I think you'll see that Elkind's work has been motivating Brittany to think a lot about her childhood -- and I'm confident you'll appreciate her thoughts!

Brittany wrote:
In the chapter, “Learning to be Social,” Elkind states that there are four main ways for a family to socialize a child. I think it takes a combination of all four to socialize a child. But in particular, I believe that children “model” adult behavior and learn to be social in that way more often than the other ways described. It is obvious that children learn by example. Good or bad, children seem to pick up everything.

Elkind places a great deal of importance on parent-child contracts. Within those contracts, achievement and support really stuck in my mind. As a preteen and teenager, I remember being one of those “enmeshed in achievement overloaded” children whom Elkind mentioned on page 151. I was a gymnast for 17 years and competed for over nine of those years, working out over 25 hours a week. I was also very active in cheerleading, dance, leadership, 4-H and FFA, all while being a full time student. My parents wanted my brother and me to have the complete experience and enjoy it all. Looking back at those times, I was a very busy child. My brother and I both felt the pressure to be perfect, even though this was not my parents’ intention. They meant well signing us up for all the activities. If they would have known the kind of pressure we were under, I am sure they would have felt just awful. My aunt and uncle are much younger than my parents, and they were normally the people I would vent to about the stress and pressure to fulfill that goal of being the “perfect “daughter. Since then, many years have passed and they have had two daughters of their own. Their girls are active in a few activities, but it is still fresh in their minds how stressful it was for my brother and me, so they are going a different route in raising their girls.

Later in the chapter Elkind brought up a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately. He stated that there is an obligation for children to be loyal to their parents, since the parents supported the children and raised them. This section of the chapter answered a lot of my questions about a friend and her relationship, or lack thereof, with her parents. Before she was 18, she was out of the house. This was partially her decision, but she wasn’t living by her parents’ rules, and it was “their way or the highway.” For a while, I just assumed that she was going through a crazy teenager rebellious phase. After reading this section, I could better understand where she is coming from. She is the oldest child of three; there is a three-and-a-half-year gap between all three siblings. Being the oldest child, she was expected to help her parents when they needed help with the younger sister and brother. The family does well to help each other out, but the youngest has Down Syndrome and requires a lot of extra attention that the girls don’t receive. Somewhere along the way, my friend must have felt that she wasn’t as important as her younger siblings, hence the lack of obligation to the family now. As Elkind stated, damage that is done in the early childhood years often leads to consequences much later in life, most likely in adolescence.

In conclusion, “The Hurried Child” is allowing me to draw a lot of conclusions about my life experiences, many of which I may have never realized or understood, and I am excited to see what else Elkind helps me discover about life.

Our Final Chapter 6 Entry

This is Lal Koeum, the author of our final entry on chapter 6, and this is what she had to say about the picture:
"I’m either 3 or 4 years old in this picture. It was taken at Burger King on Cedar and Shields. It was one of my favorite places to go with my brothers and dad. It was our “outing”. I have many fond memories there as a child because the play place was so much fun! It is no longer there but I sure can remember it like it was just yesterday =)"

Here is her entry for you to enjoy:

While reading this chapter, I realized and felt so many different emotions relating to my childhood. It also reminded me of why I am the person that I am today. I feel as though Elkind’s words help put things into perspective that may have been unclear to me prior to having read the chapter, and I could not agree more with everything he mentioned. He thoroughly illustrated, stage by stage, how children cognitively develop by addressing Piaget’s Cognitive Stage Theory. Elkind then described how each child’s development during such stages will inevitably mold her into the adult she will someday become. He also gave many different examples of how children were hurried, with a full explanation of how harmful it can be for children.

Additionally, he addressed why adults such as parents should not treat children as equals, but rather as the children that they are. In my eyes, children are a blessing. They do amazing things and fill so many of our hearts with joy.
“Growing up slowly” is the title of my chapter, and it saddens me to see how we as a society hurry children today, especially those at such a young age. From the beginning of life, infants begin to form attachments to their caregivers. Some attachments may be secure and others may not be, but this is due to the parental guidance and attentiveness parents give to their infant. If parents respond to their infant by meeting their needs in a timely manner, an infant’s sense of mistrust can be overcome, as trust can now occur because their needs have been met. I believe children are the products of their parents. How each child is raised and their upbringing has a lot to do with the person they grow up to be. I truly feel that infancy is so crucial in the later development of a child. For example, I have been in situations where I have seen parents who are completely attuned to their infant’s needs and it just makes my heart smile. Those parents who understand their infant’s needs show me that someday their children have a chance to grow up to be trustful of their environment where they can feel free to explore. One thing that sticks with me is, “behavior is communication,” from a child’s perspective. I learned this from an instructor and it has stuck with me since. Infants cannot use language to express their feelings and emotions. Their communication is their behavior, whether it is through crying, raising their arms, shifting their heads, etc. Their needs and wants can be distinguished if the parent is responsive at appropriate times.

Another thing that stuck out to me that Elkind said was that during the concrete preoperational stage, reading and arithmetic become a part of children’s schedules. Children go to school and much of what they are learning is almost forced upon them. Some children are also praised for something they themselves may fully not understand, but are capable of doing, such as “reading” a book through memorization because they have been exposed to it many times. For instance, in Kindergarten today, children are doing homework and are taught to read. If they cannot read at the end of Kindergarten, they will be held back at the discretion of the teacher. As a child, I honestly do not remember having to read in order to move forward in grade level. I remember playing, singing, and doing things that were physical and more social rather than feeling burdened with homework on a daily basis at the age of 5!

Furthermore, I shared this sentiment of Elkind’s: “Hurrying children academically, therefore, ignores the enormity of the task that children face in acquiring basic math and reading skills. We need to appreciate how awesome an intellectual task learning the basics really is for children and give them the time they need to accomplish it well” (p. 127). Time is what children need. Why can’t more parents/adults see this? Allow children the chance to get to the basics before rushing them to move forward to that next step that some children just are not prepared for.

Lastly, a quote that really struck a chord is, “Children who are hurried as children may not understand or resent the hurrying until they become adolescent. Then they may begin to be angry and resentful at parents for reasons the parents find hard to fathom” (p. 134). I related to this quote quite a bit. I found myself realizing that I too felt that way many times. I resented my parents for a lot of things they did not expose me to because, in their eyes, the world was a dangerous place. I was extremely sheltered and did not see my first movie in a theater until I was fifteen years old. In addition, initially, they did not want to allow me to date until I graduated college. If they had followed through with that, I would not be in a loving and committed relationship with my boyfriend who I met in high school. My friends were constantly in shock with some of the rules my parents had in place for me. There were many things I was not allowed to do because my parents were strict and authoritative. I never rebelled but chose to date at fifteen years old on my own terms. My parents were then forced to adapt to the American culture I was exposed to and longed to fit into. My parents felt their sheltering ways protected me from the dangerous world but I slowly learned that what they did was somewhat unfair, and because of my “sheltered” childhood, as an adult, I do not trust easily.

Another Chapter 6 Entry

This is our latest author, Brittany Bonilla, and her little sister doing one of the many fun things non-hurried children do -- blowing bubbles! She has some great insight to share in her entry, so enjoy!

Brittany wrote:
To start off, I really enjoyed this chapter. It was a great refresher on Piaget. The way Elkind explained cognitive development in relation to what children should be learning in school was very helpful in understanding why so many young children are struggling academically. I liked that Elkind talked about Piaget and Erikson’s stages, because it is easier to understand the developmental process as a whole when you can think about everything the child is going through at that given age. There is a more clear understanding now of why a child who is “hurried” to grow up would have such a hard time creating a secure attachment and strong trust with their caretaker. This chapter explains that when infants are constantly shuffled around between babysitters and caretakers, they miss out on the experience to create that bond, which in turn affects their opportunity to learn. As we know, in Piaget’s sensorimotor stage, infants need to manipulate objects to gain experience, and if they are not given the right amount of time and care, they will not be able to do this.

In the next stage, it is crucial for children from the ages of roughly two to six or seven to explore things and ask questions in order to learn. So we have to wonder how a child is supposed to be able to do this if she is going to athletic practice or piano lessons, and then has hours of homework when she gets home. Also, if the child has busy parents who are too tired or don’t have the time to explore things with her, she is losing out on some major developmental processes. The next couple of years between this age and adolescence are crucial because it is when children start to learn how to associate with their peers. They learn about friends and making rules, which is all a part of detaching themselves from their parents. If children are too busy, or their parents are, and they are forced to take care of themselves, they do not have time to develop friendships with peers. T They are then unable to differentiate between who is an authority figure in their life and who isn’t. Our book gives a great example of how a kid who may be forced to take care of himself may give more authority to a sport team captain than to his own parent.

The section that covers the formal operational period focuses a lot on Erikson’s crisis of personal identity vs. role confusion. Adolescents are so confused with figuring out who they are and what they want to be that it puts a lot of stress on them. It is even worse when they have been hurried by their parents to take on a certain role since they were very small. For example, if a child has been pushed since a young age to be an amazing tennis player, it will be difficult for him to gain his own identity if he doesn’t even like tennis.

Elkind also talks about the term imaginary audience, which refers to the idea that teenagers think everyone else is as concerned with their looks, feelings, and thoughts as they are. Elkind also talks about the term personal fable, which is the thought that you must be something special if everyone is concerned about what you are doing. This leads to the idea of being invincible and assuming that bad things will never happen to you. I have to agree with the book when it says that the imaginary audience can have a strong impact on an adolescent’s self esteem. Additionally, the personal fable can definitely lead to bad decision making; however, they were some things I view a little differently. Elkind says that a major contributor to developing an imaginary audience could be the exposure to a real audience as a child. I do agree that things like extreme beauty pageants for five year olds, like the ones you see on television, are ridiculous. However, I don’t agree that exposure to a real audience leads to the development of a more powerful imaginary audience or a personal fable. I have been dancing on stage since I was about 3 years old, only because I wanted to; it was never something I was forced to do. Either way, I feel that being on stage helped me gain self esteem and confidence. Going through junior high and high school, I was never freaked out about public speaking or raising my hand in class, and I feel like I owe that to my many years of performing on stage in front of people. Despite that one little issue, I agree with the issues discussed in this chapter, and they make me very sad for children growing up today . I feel that it is so unfortunate that little ones are missing out on so much, simply because they or their parents are just too “busy.”

Chapter 6: Growing Up Slowly

This is our latest entry's author, Shayna Dobbins, her mom, and her little sister, Justine. Those of you who know Shayna must be able to tell which child she is -- though she's all grown up now, she is definitely recognizable! For those of you who don't, though, she is the blonde one. She said: "I have always loved this picture of us girls (before the boys came -- haha!). And my sister's sweater is to die for!"

I think you'll see that Shayna's entry is "to die for," too, as she's done a great job. It's the first of our three chapter 6 entries.

Shayna wrote:
The title of this chapter, “Growing Up Slowly,” sounds so lovely to us as adults. However, I dare many of you to remember your own childhood. Did you want to grow up slowly? I can honestly admit I did not want to grow up slowly. I thought that life began once I was an adult and was free. I vividly remember standing in front of the mirror at 10 years old and thinking, “What will I look like when I am 16, 25…?,” and so on. I was in a hurry. I wanted to be older and to be free. I honestly thought that freedom came once I was old enough to do the choosing and deciding.

Looking back, I think most of this had to do with having the parental role thrust on me at such a young age. I am the oldest of four, and I had a single mom doing the best she could to raise us to be healthy, productive, loving people. I would say she did a wonderful job, as I love my mom very much. I am sure if she had lived under different circumstances, I would have grown up much more slowly. My own mom was forced to grow up hurriedly, as she had me at only 17 years old, the day before classes for her senior year began. I am sure that she did not wish for me or my siblings to be forced to grow up in a hurried way. I know she did the best she could to teach us this. I am sure she must have subliminally enforced not having children until we were finished with school. She never blatantly told us that having kids at 17 was extremely difficult. She did not want us to think we were a burden to her. However, one of my goals growing up was to graduate school without getting pregnant (and it kind of worked -- ha-ha. As many of my classmates know, I am now pregnant, with my first child. She is due the week of graduation. My husband and I have been trying and planning for our baby, and she could not come at a more perfect time). Once I graduated high school and then graduated with my Associates Degree, I was already so proud of myself. I knew I had broken the cycle and this was extremely fulfilling for me.

Elkind mentioned that many teens have a personal fable. They believe that they are extremely special and that nothing bad will happen to them, because they are the hero of their own story. I am thinking perhaps this is what my mom was thinking when she was only 17. Perhaps she thought, “Those other girls get pregnant, but it can’t/won’t happen to me. I am special.” I can remember always thinking things happen to other people, but can’t possibly happen to me. This is clearly explained as the personal fable. I do not think only adolescents are victim to this thinking. There are many adults today who have the same thought processes. Seeing other couples get divorced, losing their homes, losing their jobs or being victims of hurricanes and earthquakes, I know many adults are thinking in terms of a personal fable: "That only happens to other people, not us."

I really appreciated the section in this chapter about gaining a sense of industry or inferiority. Elkind says that there may be a child growing up in horrible conditions, but perhaps a teacher or mentor can help that child realize her sense of achievement and help her gain a sense of industry. I am pretty sure that is the reason many of us are either child development majors, or just have a love of children. We all want to be the one that can make a difference. There is nothing in my mind that is better than knowing I may have helped someone realize that she is special. I have had many teachers and mentors who have helped reinforce my sense of industry. These teachers helped me, although many of them may have no idea the impact that they have made on my life. Sometimes it was something as small as a kind word in a time of need, or a teacher who truly took the time to let me know that he or she thought I had something special. I am fondly remembering being in 4th grade, and having a favorite teacher of mine tell me I should try out for the Math-A-Thon. I had never really thought of myself as being particularly good at math, but thought I would give it a try. I am very sure that because of this one suggestion I now have a love of math today, and have always thought of myself as being particularly good at the subject. When someone tells you that you are special, important, or that they believe in you, this can truly make an impact in your life. I know this is my ultimate goal in life, to reinforce a sense of industry, to help children know that they are special each in their own way, and to help children have the confidence in themselves to attain any of their goals, by believing in themselves.

Our Last Chapter 5 Entry

Kristen Bergmann has contributed our third and final entry for chapter 5. I think you'll enjoy what she has to say.

She wrote:
The chapter I read talked a lot about the growing technologies in the world today. David Elkind explains that children are being forced to grow up too fast, and are expected to understand technology use at an extremely young age. He continues to explain that companies are coming out with new ideas about how children should learn and spend their playtime. Because the world we live in is growing everyday with new technologies, many are starting to have their children work on their technological skills extremely early. Elkind then begins to talk about “lapware.” Lapware are computer programs and games that allow the child to sit on the lap of a parent or caregiver while using a keyboard and a mouse.

Lapware is designed to help children develop computer skills, and is made for babies 6 months to 4 years. There are characters in lapware that these children can relate to and that catch their interest. Being an 80s baby, I was raised differently than babies are being raised today. The closest I ever got to technological use at such a young age was owning a talking bear. Elkind also has some quotes from professors from Stanford who claim that children at this age need to touch and feel things on their own. They get stimulation everyday in the everyday world. They claim that children should not be around technologies that take away what it’s like to play outside or to grasp and feel their toys and surroundings.

There are also some professors who claim that many children idolize their parents and want to interact with their parents, and do the same things they watch them do. While playing with lapware, they sit on the lap of the parent or caregiver, which is a bonding experience for them. I personally believe that kids should be outside and playing with toys more than being near a computer. There are other ways for a child to bond with her parent or guardian. Growing up, I was always encouraged to spend my free time playing outside and experiencing things on my own. Today our lives revolve around technologies; my old elementary school is now requiring its students to have laptops. I understand the idea is to develop skills early on, but the pressure to grow up and understand a program designed to help you with your technological skills is asking a lot of a 6 month year old baby.

This chapter made me think about how fast paced our world is. The fact that children have to grow up so quickly makes me appreciate the childhood that I had. It seems to me that children are not getting the childhood they deserve, and they should not be deprived of that. I seem to be leaning more towards having more of a normal childhood: going outside and learning on their own and being hands on with objects. They have plenty of time to develop the skills needed for computer and technology use. I strongly believe that children should stay young and be allowed to have that time they need to act like a child.

Challenges of a Babysitter

This is Ruth Tolmachoff, at 5 months old, listening to a story being "read" by her 2 1/2 year old sister, Sarah. When she sent me this picture to accompany her entry for chapter 5, she said that her mom wanted me to know that even though Ruth is "hamming it up for the camera," her family was teaching her early literacy skills by having her sister read to her. Ruth said, "It must have worked because I love reading!"

I think you'll see in her entry that her love of reading is accompanied by a talent for writing. Enjoy.

Ruth wrote:

While reading this chapter about children exposed to lapware, brain research, and the Internet, I kept thinking about different examples from the children I babysit. I have been babysitting for about eight years. Throughout my entire babysitting experiences, children have enjoyed playing some of the same classic games, like hide-and-seek, house, and tag. However, lately I have noticed a change in how children play and what they play with.

When I first started babysitting, I only had to worry about how much television a child watched, or which siblings’ turn it was to pick a movie. Now I have to monitor and balance how much time a child watches television, plays video games, and is on the computer. I do not know how many times I have turned off the television, saying it is time to do something else, and am asked if they can go onto the computer or play Wii. In their minds, playing Nintendo DS is different than a Game Boy, and Wii is different than PlayStation.

Another example that comes to my mind involves another of the families I babysit for; they have a four-year-old girl and an eleven-month-old boy. The parents taught their daughter that when her brother is crying, she can go onto the computer to play games on the PBS and Nickelodeon websites. She will just click from game to game, and I get scared that one day, she will keep clicking on links, and who knows where she will end up. There is too much scary stuff on the Internet that she can access. She gets mad when I am there and do not let her on the computer. I have to watch her carefully because she will try to sneak onto it without my knowing. Thankfully, she also loves role playing, reading books, and playing outside! She has loved puppies her whole life, and her favorite game right now is to pretend that we are puppies who are looking for penguins (you’d be amazed how well penguins can hide)! Her brother loves watching his sister running around the house as she plays these games.

However, even before reading this chapter, I thought that he had too many electronic toys. He has a steering wheel, a piano keyboard, balls, and various other toys that light up and play music. While these might be a good distraction as his parents sneak out the door, I try not to let him play with them much. We play peek-a-boo, take walks to the park, and play hide-and-seek with his sister (he always gives up our hiding spot when he hears his sister coming close!).

Gary Malone, a professor of one of my classes, said the other day, “Batteries never run out on a pot lid.” He was trying to make the point that children do not need expensive toys with the latest technology to have fun and learn. They need to interact with their environment to learn about it, not with “educational” software. This is also Elkind’s point: “There is no evidence that early exposure to computers gives children an edge in computer literacy, self-confidence, or self-esteem” (p. 108). Children would be better off if we just let them play with the pots and pans, unroll the toilet paper roll, and repeatedly drop their spoons on the floor. Children do not need technology to teach them about their world. They need to interact with it to learn that when you pull the cat’s tail you will get scratched (like my little cousin learned!). Just think, if they are playing with cat tails and pans, you do not have to worry about changing the batteries!

The Dynamics of Hurrying: Lapware, Brain Research, and the Internet

Lydia Kantor did a terrific job on our first entry for chapter 5. Here it is:

In chapter 5, Dr. Elkind talks of the new push for infant lapware and other technology that seems to be pressing down on children today. Dr. Elkind gives examples of how technology is ever changing and is changing young children’s lives in today’s age. He compares the first edition of the book to his newest and how much things have changed over the last twenty years. Today the technological advances and marketing media are playing largely on parental guilt. For instance, parents are being made to feel that if they don’t buy this new technology for their child, they won’t turn out as smart as other children whose parents bought their child the newest piece of technology. Parents in today’s society are feeling the ever growing pressure of getting their child ready for life. What we know as child development majors is that children will be ready with adequate time and experiences; there’s no need to rush children through life. Each child will be well-equipped with the experiences their parents have provided them. While providing such technology to an infant may boost the parents’ ego, there is research that “warns of the danger of overstimulation” (p. 103). Dr. Elkind explains that children get enough stimulation in their everyday interactions. Although technology is making amazing advances, it’s also impeding the experiences of young children. Children, in today’s age, are bombarded by new video game systems, computers, and other electronic experiences that are taking away from nature’s experiences.


As a child, I can remember always being outside, playing in the yard and experiencing what nature provided us. Whether it was climbing in trees or making mud pies, my brother and I were always outside. When we had to stay indoors, due to weather, I remember we would either play a board game or we would play separately in our rooms. While growing up, my brother and I didn’t need television or video games to entertain us; we were content to find our own entertainment. We did have a Nintendo game system, with I think three games, but it wasn’t on as much as today’s game systems. I can remember a time when my family would visit my Aunt, who lives in the Bay Area, and my little cousin would be on his Play Station the whole time we were at the house. If we went out to dinner, he would have to save his game and my aunt would have to pry him away from the console. By the time my cousin was in junior high, he had the latest game system and games. I can remember thinking to myself that this kid is addicted to these games. Whenever we would go outside, it seemed as though my cousin didn’t know how to pretend or engage in what nature was providing around us. They had a swing set, tire swing, and vast nature around them; their house sat on a hill with vegetation all around. My brother and I would go and make forts, play war, and have awesome games of hide-and-go-seek. We had a blast, but had a difficult time getting my cousin to come out with us.


I fully agree that technology is a great resource, but it should be monitored by parents with a set time limit to accompany it. I also believe that each set of parents should sit down and discuss how long their child can play video games, and what type of games they’ll allow in the house. I believe too, that they should weigh the pros and cons of exposing their children to such technology at an early age. When exposing infants and young children to the technology of today, parents should move slowly and with care, especially when considering the effects of overstimulation on infants. I believe that it is the parents’ full responsibility to discuss technological advances, when they will be introduced to the child, and at what age. Yes, technology is a great tool and good for keeping children occupied, but when is it too much? I was just talking to my friends who have a 2 year-old daughter and went on their first big car trip with her. They were the parents who said they wouldn’t use television or videos as a babysitter, but on their way to Las Vegas with a screaming 2 year-old, they would try anything to calm her down. They found that it worked and kept her entertained. However, they mentioned something to me the other day: Whenever they get in the car, they plug in a video for her. In this day and age, in every car at a stop light, it seems that every child is parked in front of a video screen with some sort of cartoon playing. I completely understand the video for a long distance trip, but around town? I feel that real meaningful conversations should take place with one’s child instead.

Our Final Chapter 4 Entry

Vanessa Williams did a really nice job on our final entry for chapter 4. Here's what she had to say:

The chapter I read was based on the media and how its various forms hurry children today. In one of the sections, David Elkind explains that radio is to adults what television is to children. I believe that he is correct. Children would rather watch a moving picture with sounds than create their own pictures from their imagination and creativity. When radios were the main form of entertainment, the child's imagination ran wild and all sorts of creativity was expressed and captured. Now the television takes all that and makes the picture for you, leaving the child’s imagination inactive in response to what is right in front of them. Adults today were those children of yesterday, listening and imagining the dramas, news and entertainment that the radio provided at that time.

A particular point that I really found interesting from reading this chapter was the idea that children are drawn to age-inappropriate programs, more than age-appropriate. This is very true; many of the little kids I work with talk about the shows they watch and I am appalled. They are always mentioning movies and TV programs that are too mature and have serious situations that they have no business knowing at their age. For example, I hear seven- or eight-year-olds talking about shows like "Family Guy" and "The Simpson's.” These shows have adult content and situations even I do not understand half the time. The little kids pick up the little phrases and gestures that the characters do and copy what they see. It is an invitation for disaster.

I myself remember watching "Beverly Hill 90210" when I was eight or nine. That show had a lot of sex, drugs, underage partying and inappropriate things a child my age should not be watching. This definitely hurries a child to grow up way too fast, thinking that since the actors on the TV are doing it, so should she. When I would play Barbies with my friends, we would reenact situations from programs I would watch. We had no idea what we were doing, just that we remembered seeing kissing and hugging, so we made Barbie and Ken do the same thing.

I also agree that as society’s “views” change, they are also reflected in television. In the 1950’s and 60’s, shows at that time were very Functionalist. It was traditional, in the case that the father worked and the mother stayed home, raised the children, cleaned that house, and cooked. Shows like "Leave It to Beaver", reflected those values and conditions at that time. As those traditional molds changed, so did the views of the television networks. However, the shifts really never change: Elkind described it as television programs changing from “fantasy to reality.”

The last thing that was very interesting was when Elkind mentioned that music hurries children. Many of the popular songs are what the children are going to be listening to, and a majority of the songs talk about sex. I personally like a lot of different kinds of music, but the popular and mainstream music is what is played, and all of it talks about sex, drugs and alcohol. I can name a couple of songs that are out now that prove my point. "Shots” by LMFAO and Lil Jon describes going to a club and drinking shots, and it lists a variety of shots in the song. Another one is "Birthday Sex” by Jeremiah: no explanation needed. If children can copy what they see on television, they are bound to repeat what their favorite singer is singing or what the radio is playing.

Sometimes I Just Want My Mommy!

This is Nicole Thiessen. Of course, this was taken YEARS before she wrote the entry here on chapter 4! She titled the entry, which is kind of cool, and you'll see why as you read on. Enjoy!


The media has always been my number one complaint in regards to children growing up too fast, which is covered in Elkind’s chapter 4. It was interesting to me how our exposure to these hurried objects of the media has increased over the years, but are not the sole reason for the fast track growing up.

The invention of the television was a blessing and a curse all wrapped up into one big electrical box. While it does provide informative information and entertainment beyond belief, is all of that appropriate for a child to have unlimited access to? And more importantly, is the content too mature for their developing minds?

The television shows discussed in the book were at opposite ends of the spectrum, which I see as a lose-lose situation for kids. Parents watched the adorable genius “Doogie Howser, M.D.,” and thought, “Why can't my kid be like that?” I know just as well as the next person that a fourteen-year-old could not actually be a licensed physician, but talk about pressure. The thought of that little Einstein makes me feel less than adequate. And I'm an adult who fully understands that it is not real!! I cannot even imagine how a fourteen-year-old must feel at the thought of not being able to remove the ruptured appendix of his neighbor whose parents are out of town, and in order to do so, must go against hospital policy. Seriously, wow.

Then there are the slightly more realistic issues of the kids on Dawson's Creek. These creek kids have to deal with issues that teens really do face in this day and age: drugs, violence, crime and sex. Even though these topics are more realistic than a fourteen-year-old doctor, does that mean that a nine-year-old should be watching? I love the term Elkind uses to describe this fantasy versus reality world we are in, which is “pseudo-sophistication.” All this means is that children today obtain more information than is understood. I don't know how many times I have rambled on about something like I understood it inside and out, when I really had no clue what in the world was going on. The point is not that I know what I'm talking about, but that I sound like I do. If children take in information and sound like they know what they are talking about, who's to say the adults in their life won't be pushed to hurry them even more than they already are? And as a future teacher, I hope that I will be able to recognize the difference between knowing and understanding.

Another form of media Elkind mentions is music. I know personally how effective music can be. I highly doubt that I am the only person in the world who has searched like a mad woman to find the perfect song to fit my current mood. A few years back, I went through what I will call a bad break up (which is an understatement to say the least), and nothing made me happier than hearing Carrie Underwood tear into some loser's truck. Now obviously I am not going to run out and massacre someone’s car, although the thought has been strong, because I have learned the rules of behavior to be a part of society. While I have learned this guidance from my parents, there are children who are not as fortunate. Again there is this reoccurring issue of fantasy versus reality. How many tragedies have occurred when a child shows up at school with a gun because Marilyn Manson told him to in one of his songs? It's amazing to me how, years ago, I would get angry at statements like these, and say how dumb that they are blaming their actions on a song. After taking many child development courses and delving into a child's mind and the power of persuasion, I now see how something that seemed so absurd at one time is more than possible.

Going back to pseudo-sophistication, there is an example given that stuck with me the entire chapter, and I think is a prime example of being hurried along. Elkind explained, "A young girl, made-up and dressed in a seductive outfit, still feels and thinks of herself as a young girl, not as a young woman" (p. 85). Did anyone else's mind go there? “Little Miss Perfect” and “Toddlers & Tiaras.” I shamelessly admit that I have seen many an episode, and it's amazing that no matter how much money is spent on hiring pageant coaches, costumes, make-up artists and hairstylists, at the end of the day, those little girls are five years old. And just like with any five-year-old, when all is said and done, all they want is their mommy.

I'm assuming it is very obvious that I feel very strongly about the media's influence on how children are raised. With all the new TV shows and DVDs out there, the parent role is fading out. It is becoming easier and easier to say, “Sit down and watch this,” instead of having that one-on-one time that is so crucial for children of all ages. I think it is safe to say that no matter how old we get, and how grown up we think we are, we all wish for just a little bit of innocence. I am not afraid to admit that sometimes at the end of the day, when the make-up is washed off, jammies are on and hair is in a ponytail, I just want my mommy.