Our LAST Chapter Entry!

Sharon Vang is the author of our very last chapter entry, and this is a picture of her and her sister in their backyard when she was little. She said, "That’s me on the right. She’s older and taller than me in the picture, but I am now taller than her."

I think you'll agree with me that Sharon has written a great entry to finish things up for us. Enjoy.

She wrote:
In Chapter 10, Elkind examines how children perceive hurrying and how the results can create stress. Depending on their level of mental development, Elkind believes that children deal with hurrying in different ways and that hurrying can affect children in negative ways. It is up to adults and parents to decipher how to make it less stressful for children. The way to do this is to view the world through the eyes of our hurried children. Only then can we can begin to help children understand that hurrying is not our way of rejecting or applying stress on them.

I can definitely relate to Elkind’s thoughts on the different ways that children can perceive hurrying. As a child, my parents always pushed me to do well in school. They expected the best out of me and it was quite frustrating at times. I felt as though they didn’t understand the stress that I was going through. I had to earn good grades, do my chores and help my brothers with their homework too. It was a tall task. Even though I did well in school, it never seemed to be good enough for them. All the while, they would never complain or make such comments about my brothers’ grades. I felt as though they didn’t appreciate or love me for who I was. For the things I did to please them, it never seemed to be enough. I felt a sense of rejection. It was as though I had given everything and got nothing back in return. It wasn’t until I asked my parents why they treated me like they did that they told me they did so because they had faith that I could succeed in anything I put my mind to. It was then that I began to realize why they did the things they did. I still wasn’t too happy about the stress they put me through, but I was more understanding of the reasons why they acted as they did. After apologizing to me about the whole situation, my mother commented that she wished she had put herself in my shoes so she could have prevented herself from putting me through such stress. My parents became more understanding about my education and since then, they have supported me in everything I’ve chosen to do in my life.

Elkind also expresses his feelings about the importance of having a childhood experience filled with pleasures, and that we learn from children’s experiences caused by hurrying. I agree with Elkind in that children have a right to enjoy the pleasures of being a child. They should be able to experience the unconditional love of their parents and the adoration of others. Childhood is an experience that only comes around once during a lifetime, so it is important that both children and adults take the time to experience its value. There are ups and downs and there are lessons to be learned from hurrying children. But it’s most important that children and adults learn from their failures so they can appreciate the value of the experiences that come with childhood.

Another Chapter 10 Entry: Help Your Children Before it is Too Late!

This is Lauren Burner, the author of this entry, between her two sisters, Sarah and Katelyn.
She explained,
"This is a picture of the ritual I described in my blog entry of reading a book every night as a family. Check out those fancy dresses and my
bowl hair cut. I am not sure what is going on with my older sister and
that face she gave,but I swear she is not as evil now as she looked in that picture. Haha!" Sarah might not appreciate that Lauren has made this picture of her public, but I'm sure she'd appreciate what Lauren has written -- and I think you will, too.

She wrote:

After reading Elkind’s chapter on the ways to reduce stress in children, I couldn’t help but relate these concepts to my own personal life. I came from a divorced household and my mother was a single parent without the help from my father. We relied heavily on my grandparents for support in raising my sisters and me. Although we spent a majority of our time with our grandparents, we were still placed in day care at an early age and spent most of our days away from our mother. When my mom would drop us off at school, she would always say, “I love you and I am going to miss you little munchkins.” She always made us aware that she did not want to leave us. She called us munchkins from the day we were born, but as I personally grew into my teenage years, my name was quickly changed to a monster.

Elkind suggests that parents need to be the prime example for children. Children in their early years tend to think more egocentrically and believe that everything is centered on them. When parents start to experience levels of stress, it is reflected upon the family and the child will start to feel those emotions associated with stress. My mom had a lot of stress when it came to being a single parent of three daughters. She had stress relating to finances, occupations, family, home related instances and education. She constantly worried about our futures and how they would reflect our childhood. Honestly, I can never remember a circumstance where I could feel my mother’s stress because she always dealt with it independently. She would sacrifice her own feelings for the sake of her children’s best interest (like any mother would!).

One thing I really cherished looking back on my childhood is that simple matter that my mother let us be children. My mother relied on us for many things when we got into our teenage years, but as children she wanted us to have the so-called “normal” childhood. We spent a massive amount of time with my grandparents, which was not normal to many of my friends. I did not spend time with my father because he gave sole custody of my older sister and me to my mom. After she divorced my dad, she married my step- father and had my little sister, Katelyn (she is the brown haired munchkin, who TRULY is the monster of the family---yet the baby as well!). We had that picture perfect image, but things inside the marriage and family were not perfect. My mom and step-father were divorced and once again my mother had to find a way to make ends meet for her family.

I have always valued the way that my grandparents and my mother have talked to us. Even as children they would explain circumstances in a way that we could understand and evaluate. They did not treat us like adults or try to mature us in any way to grow up and start dealing with the problems of life. They equally took on the role of allowing us to remain children and continue with our lives. Everyone treated us with the respect a child deserves. We were asked to do chores around the house, but were never asked without thank you or please attached to it. According to Elkind, saying thank you and please in regards to something you want a child to do allows that child to realize that they are not being told what to do but rather asked.

I found this chapter very interesting because it talked about how our society has been so rushed in terms of time in our daily schedules. Our society is so fascinated and obsessed with time that they forget to take time out for their children. Parents are so fixated on their personal lives in association with work, finances and household concerns, that they forget to take time for their children and check in with them every once in a while. My mother worked 50-hour weeks but when she would come to my grandparent’s house to pick us up, she would always make time for us and ask us how school was. We had many rituals in my family. One of the most important was when my family would sit on the couch and read a book before we got ready for bed. After the book my mother, or whoever was reading the book to us, would ask us questions about the book. This was her way of allowing us to speak our mind and treasure our time.

This idea of time and hurrying makes me think about a quote that my grandpa always said while we were growing up. “Life is not measured by the years in life; rather it is measured by the life in your years.” This quote should be valued more by our society and taught to our children more. They should continually be encouraged to play and enjoy their years and not stress over the little things that life throws their way. Parents can definitely lessen the stress that children are feeling and they can also encourage their children to be open and honest with them. These techniques will alleviate the stress placed on children and hopefully prevent the hurrying that children are experiencing in today’s society.

Our First Entry on Our LAST Chapter: Helping Hurried Children

This is Aglaed Garcia, who wrote our first entry for chapter 10. Of the picture, she said,

"Apparently, I am blowing a kiss and trying to look sexy for the picture." I think you'll enjoy her entry on Elkind's final chapter.

She wrote:

In this chapter, Elkind talked about helping hurried children. He mentions that in order to help children we first need to recognize what we cannot do. “We cannot change the basic thrust of American society, for which hurrying is the accepted and valued way of life” (p.205). We also need to be able to understand children. If we cannot understand them, then we cannot help them. Instead of helping them we push them to a limit and that causes unnecessary pressure. They feel like miniature adults because they are dealing with multiple stressors.

Elkind mentions two types of contractual violation and exploitation. One is called calendar hurrying and the other one is called clock hurrying. Calendar hurrying is when we expect children to perform beyond their capabilities to make decisions. A good example of calendar hurrying is when children feel pressured by their parents to perform beyond their understanding. This reminds me when I was working with first graders in an after-school program. When I first started working with the students, I was very amazed at how advanced the students were academically. They were only in first grade and they were already learning how to add and subtract big numbers. Their vocabulary words were very advanced because some students were able to read words like wonderful, friendship, summer, and swimming. In my opinion, all the students were very bright and smart. They all had unique skills and abilities. However, according to their teacher, some of the students were behind academically. The students that were behind were pressured to perform beyond their understanding. They had extra homework assignments and sometimes were not able to play outside with their peers because they needed to complete their homework first. The students were overwhelmed and felt unhappy in school with class activities. They felt unsure and unable to perform well on certain tasks. Children at this age should not feel devastated and overwhelmed because of school. They should feel confident to explore and not be afraid to make mistakes when learning new tasks.

Clock hurrying is another type of violation and exploitation. Clock hurrying happens when we demand that children perform a task in a short period of time. It pressures them to use all their energy and finish fast. In the end they feel overwhelmed and exhausted. This reminds me of Susan, a five year old girl in the after-school program. One day, one of my students was crying because she was struggling with her homework. Since we only have 30 minutes to work on the homework, she was not able to finish on time and was devastated. She told me that her mom was going to be very angry at her for not finishing her homework. I talked to her and told her she was going to be fine, and not to worry because her mother was going to understand. However, she was still upset, and told me, “My mommy and teacher are going to be very angry at me, and they are not going to love me anymore.” She was very upset and worried about her mother’s reaction. I wanted to help and give her more time to finish her homework, but it was against the school policy. The students only had 30 minutes to work on homework. After homework I was assigned to do math and reading activities with them. Most of the parents expected that their children would be able to finish their homework in the afterschool program. Therefore, the majority of the students felt pressure to complete their homework before they went home. The problem was that they only had 30 minutes to work on homework, and some of the students are not able to complete their homework on time. Another problem was that some students rushed to finish and they ended up doing their homework wrong.

In the chapter, Elkind said that in order to help children and not make the mistake of hurrying them, we need to lower our demands and increase our support. If we are able to recognize our mistakes when working with children, we will be able to help them instead of creating stressors for them. Children have their unique skills and abilities. We just need to help them discover them.

Final Chapter 9 Entry

Annette Cipolla is the author of our final entry on chapter 9. She was able to relate Elkind's ideas to the lives of her children, and I think you'll appreciate her insight.

She wrote:
In chapter 9, Elkind addresses ways that children react to stress. Children feel stress from daily life that shows up as behaviors such as irritability and restlessness or general unhappiness and withdrawal. A Freudian term Elkind used that is new to me is free-floating anxiety, which he says derives from “simply not knowing what to be afraid of” (p. 187). It is commonly found in children who have parents that are separated or switch between many caregivers. I think their anxiety is caused by children feeling instability in their lives. They may not be afraid of anything in particular or even be able to explain what is wrong, but they definitely feel the stress of not knowing what’s going to happen next. I agree with Elkind that it is the separation from parents that is the most stressful for children. I offer my own children as an example.

I have three sons, who were ages 6, 7, and 12 at the time our family got divorced. They are now 16, 17, and 22. As a parent I thought I was relieving the stress on my children because they were living in a home with constant fighting. In reality it did not happen that way. While our home did become calmer, my children began to feel the stress of separation. Their lives became very unstable because their father began to work out of town a lot with the result being an inconsistent relationship between children and father. Over the years, my youngest has gone from having outbursts over his dad not showing up, to being apathetic and refusing to see him. My middle son would stare out the window, crying; at the time, he said he was wishing for his dad to come home. He has never expressed that he wanted us together nor has he placed blame on anyone. However, he has suffered from depression and, I believe in part, it is because he internalized all the anxiety he felt from missing his father. My oldest seemed to handle it quite well; although, as an adult, I see that he is living the same rushed life as his father and is constantly stressed.

This reminds me of a comparison Elkind made about burnout. He compared the symptoms of job burnout that adults feel to the symptoms of school burnout that children feel. Burnout is something I have witnessed and experienced and I do feel that it is prevalent in today’s school system. Learning is an insatiable joy for most children when they are very young and learn out of curiosity. Therefore, they are excited about going to school and learning new things. The anticipate the novelty of school experiences, but soon the demands of getting the answers correct and the overwhelming workload lead to stress. As we have discussed in class, children get homework in kindergarten and are given tests with grades. Imagine how a five year old feels when she is told she failed a spelling test or does not read well enough to go on to first grade with all the new friends she made. I would think that the loss of self confidence would be significant. Isn’t that too high a price for children to pay just because our society is in a hurry for them to learn? Not to mention, if children feel like failures in elementary school, how will they have confidence to get through junior high and high school? The chronic stress of always trying to keep up and do well can be overwhelming, and as Elkind says, can lead to learned helplessness that can possibly affect them for the rest of their lives.

One thing in chapter 9 that was particularly interesting to me is the studies that were done on children to test for Type A and Type B personality traits. Surprisingly, children’s personality traits didn’t correlate as much with their parents’ type as much as it did to how they were treated. Children with Type A personalities were more likely to have parents that pushed them to do well in addition to being more critical of their children's performance regardless of their own personality type. Children with Type B personalities received more praise and patience. This is an important concept for parents to realize. If parents offer praise, patience, and encouragement they will make it easier for children to deal with the stresses they experience.

In some cases, though, children are capable of coping with stress quite well on their own. This was Elkind’s last thought in the chapter. It is an intriguing fact that some children in extremely stressful environments use it as a motivator to accomplish their goals. Researchers have found that these children have these five qualities in common: social competence, impression management, self-confidence, independence, and achievement. I think that children with these abilities that lack support from home have similar temperaments that enable them to cope. It is my opinion that children who are highly sociable would fall into a category of having those five qualities. As a final thought, I think society as a whole would benefit if children and adults were taught coping skills to deal with the enormous stresses of living in a rushed society. Stress is unavoidable. Unfortunately, many adults lack the ability to deal with their own stresses which contributes to the growing stresses placed upon children.

Rena's Chapter 9 Entry

This is Rena Fields, our latest author, and her little sister, Sheena. Reena and Sheena. Gotta love the sound of that. And I think you'll love reading Rena's thoughts on chapter 9, too.

She wrote:

This chapter is all about how children react to stress and the different factors that could possibly cause them to react that way. What I found interesting is that it seems that more and more children are experiencing stress that is usually seen in adults which goes to re-iterate the concept and title of this book.

In the first part of this chapter the author talks about children experiencing chronic stress. This type of stress varies and is not specifically attached to a certain fear or anxiety. I was a bit shocked to see that the majority of this type of stress was mostly seen in separated or divorced households. I was a child of a divorce and only lived with one parent for the majority of my life. What also shocked me were the examples of trends that would differentiate a single parent household from a two-parent household. I can see why some of the examples would be common in some single parent households, such as having a record of being tardy or absent. This can be understandable if one parent has multiple kids to get out of the house and drop off at various locations; it is hard and can even be more difficult when one of them doesn’t want to listen. I just feel that my mom had to work even harder to not stick out even though we already did because we were the only family with one parent in most of my classes. Some of the other examples of single parent trends included going to the health clinic more and more behavior problems. I don’t understand the part about the health clinic. On the other hand, behavior problems are something that my little sister went through, but it was more because of her disabilities -- or that’s what they thought --than the divorce.

The next part of the chapter was on Type A behavior which is a personality pattern that categorizes how people handle stress and stressors. I assumed that it was for adults and their type of behavior, but according to this part of the chapter, children can have a Type A or Type B personality that is similar to adults. According to a study done on 378 children by Dr. Gerald Berenson and Louisiana State University, children who have a Type A personality can have some of the same health problems as adults with Type A personalities. The study showed that children had higher amounts of cholesterol in their blood stream than the children with Type B personalities. As an adult this can lead to other health problems such as migraine headaches, heart disease, and hypertension. Personally, I think that this is scary for children, and they shouldn’t already be experiencing health problems due to stress at such an early age.

I feel that the next section of this chapter on school burnout is something that we can all relate to, especially because the majority of us are graduating this semester. We all know what it’s like to go to school for thirteen years and then continue our education for another four to six. According to Elkind, children are feeling the same way as we are feeling as college students, which seems crazy to me, but understandable. As we all know, children are subject to a lot more testing and are pressured to perform well in school, while their parents have them signed up for five different extra curricular activities. Some parents do this to try and keep their children out of trouble and involved, but what it is doing is stressing them out. As a result, they are doing poorly in school or will even go to the measure of cheating because they are pressured to have the best of the best grades. It can be too much for us as adults. I can imagine it is even worse for children because if they don’t do well, they can get held back, whereas we can just take the class over again.

Lastly, we have all experienced some type of helplessness when we have been put in situations that are beyond our control and there is nothing we can do to fix it. Children are put in that same situation everyday that they go to school. They are told and forced to complete a task that they either never learned or don’t feel comfortable doing. Then, they find a way to get out of an activity or discussion because they don’t know what they are doing. The one thing that I can think of in relation to us as college students is where we sit in the classroom. There are a lot of students who prefer to sit in the back of the classroom because they do not like being called on or asked to participate. As a result their learned helplessness is to always look for a seat in the back so that they can avoid participating.

Overall and as stated above, these items seem to be a discussion that adults would be having with other adults, except this book is about children so we know it is something that children are experiencing. Stress comes in different forms and hopefully we can get this somewhat under control before our children have some serious health concerns.

Our Third Entry on Chapter 9

Jessica Nunez wrote our latest entry on chapter 9. Enjoy!

She wrote:

In Chapter 9, Elkind describes the various ways children respond to stress and the factors that may contribute to it. The factors that contribute to the way children react to stress are the amount of stress that is put upon them, their outlook on the stress situation they are in, and the different coping methods available to them. Due to these factors, the way a child deals with stress is completely unpredictable. I think that he is correct with believing children deal with stress in different ways. I have witnessed some children who fall apart when under stress, and other children who rise above their stress like an adult would. Children who rise above their stress could be growing up too fast. They should not even be stressing at such a young age.

The next thing Elkind addresses is Free-Floating Anxiety, which is unexplained fear that causes the child to feel restless, irritated, and unable to concentrate. Free-Floating Anxiety is considered to be a common response to separation and divorce. This type of stress affects the child's school behavior as well. A study showed that children from one-parent homes had lower attendance and achievement compared to children from two-parent homes. I do believe that divorce causes children’s school performance to decrease. They might be worried about issues at home rather than the lesson they should be learning in the classroom. In reality, school should be the main focus in a child's life.

Sometimes I feel like all the stress I am undergoing is due to problems that may be occurring at home. However, unrelieved stress in adults may be the result of what is known as job burnout. Job burnout occurs when someone grows tired of the same routine every day. Children undergo the same thing but it is called school burnout. In the study of job burnout, there were five stages identified as the honeymoon, fuel shortage, chronic symptoms, crisis and hitting the wall. All of these stages are about the same for school burnout. The school burnout may be caused by the child being dissatisfied with school, causing them to lose interest in it. The end result of that lost interest will be accomplishing less in school.

In order to respond to stress in a positive way, one of the following five qualities must be present. The first one is social competence. Young people seem to be relaxed when they around their peers. The second one is impression management. This is how the young person presents himself in public. Self-confidence is important when dealing with stress because they need to have faith they could make it through their situation. Another quality that affects the way a child reacts to stress is independence. When they can think for themselves, it shows that they are not affected by other people's opinions. The last quality to affect stress in a positive way is achievement. When a child focuses on a certain task rather than their stress, it gives them the opportunity to feel accomplished. I know from experience that these qualities do help us respond to stress in a positive way. One example is that, when I am around my family and friends, all my problems seem to be lifted just by their company. I think that all of these qualities would really help turn children’s daily stress into something positive, and enable them to live a less stressful life.

Another Entry on Chapter 9

Our latest author, Melissa Kyhn, had this to say about her photo: "The picture was taken when I was 2 and my brother was 4. It is one of
the many pictures that my Oma and Opa had taken of us when we were
younger. As you can see I had finally grown some hair!" You'll be happy to know that Melissa STILL has hair, and she has grown into quite a writer in the meantime...I think you'll agree when you read her work here.

She wrote:

In chapter nine Elkind addresses how children react to stress. Elkind writes that children might react to stress with free-floating anxiety, which includes a sense of unrest, having a low mood, and physical ailments that are stress related. Free floating anxiety is most commonly associated with the divorce or separation of parents and is the reason why I experienced free floating anxiety as a child. When I read Elkind’s words, I thought, “That’s me.” I was only three years old when my parents divorced and while I don’t remember a whole lot from around that age, I remember quite a bit of anxiety during my middle school years.

I grew up being shuffled from house to house. My mom would take me to school, my step mom would pick me up from school, and my mom would pick me up after she got off of work. If all of that wasn’t enough, every Wednesday night and every other weekend was spent at my dad’s house. I remember feeling a lot of anxiety as a child. I had to remember to pack my blankie and stuffed lamb in my backpack or else I wouldn’t have them to sleep with at my dad’s house. I always worried about my blankie and lamb being in my backpack at school. My school would have frequent fire drills, which I thought were real fires. I would stand outside of the school with the rest of my classmates and I would freak out, worrying that my prized possessions were going to burn up in my classroom.

The stress reaction that I feel is the most important is school burnout. Elkind described school burnout as occurring when students are excited about school at first, and then they eventually become dissatisfied because of failure or other reasons. In some cases this burnout causes the student to hit a point where they feel done, and they will in some cases be kicked out of school for their actions or they will drop out of school. School burnout made complete sense to me. There have been times when I have been stressed out and thought that I couldn’t finish college.
Students are being taught things like algebra earlier and earlier in school, so I can completely understand that they would feel inadequate and feel like giving up because they didn’t get something that was being taught to them. To me, school burnout is the most serious reaction to stress. School dropouts are at a huge risk of poverty because most students that drop out, never go back to school.

I think it is our job to watch out for these kinds of reactions to stress and try to help children cope in better ways. While reading this chapter, I found myself wondering what is in store for the future of children in our society. It seems like year after year children have more and more stress, and the stress that they have often starts at such a young age. My big question after reading this chapter is that, if this is how children are reacting to stress now and the stresses seem to be getting more extreme, what kind of reactions are children going to have ten years from now?

Chapter 9: How Children React to Stress

We're getting down to the wire here, as we've covered 8 of the 10 chapters in "The Hurried Child." Given that we're just a few weeks away from the end of the semester and all of the finals and papers that brings, it is perhaps fitting that we're reading even more about stress! You'll see that Kasey Bigelow, the author of our first chapter 9 entry, could relate to Elkind's ideas about stress on hurried children.

She wrote:

Stress is poison!

Children let their minds bully their bodies into believing it must carry the burden of its worries. The effect of stress on children is the main focus of this chapter. Children’s stress is caused and brought on by many things. Some of the most common causes are divorce, single parents, school, fear, and daily life experience. Children respond to their stress symptoms and stressful situations by learning how to use their coping mechanisms. Children are faced, and often forced, to deal with difficult situations that they are not ready for. This in turn causes them to stress out and often grow up too fast. School puts so much pressure on children that parents often don’t understand. School can be hard if you’re not getting the right attention, or if you fall off track in one subject. This can result in a domino effect in other subjects.

The book talks about the type A and type B behavior in children and explains how the behavior is similar to adults. The type A behavior has more stress symptoms than the type B. Children hurried by parents and schoolteachers have a high level of stress. When I was reading this section, it was vague and confusing, and I am not sure if I agree with what the author had to say about it. I do, however, agree that everyone is different and has different personalities that help in handling stress.

When I read this chapter about children dealing with stress, it took me back to my own childhood memories. My parents did not get divorced, but I did and still do have a problem with school. I have trouble learning and taking tests, and I wanted school to be over as soon as it started. When I started school, the only things I liked about it were making new friends, boys, and sports. If I was to get graded on those things I would have gotten all A’s. You would think that being interested in boys at age 5 would have started a whole stress problem all on its own. Luckily that stress kicked in when it was supposed to a few years ago. I completely related to the example in the book when it said that children pretend to be sick or act out in school. I did not understand the information presented at school and I felt stupid, so I did exactly that: I got mad and pretended to be sick. I hated the way I felt and this all started in the second and third grade. Learning multiplication and spelling were the most difficult for me, and after that everything started tumbling down. Unfortunately no one noticed that I was having trouble until high school, and then I was tested for a learning disability. I had finally got the help that I needed without all the stress.

Reading this chapter it has inspired me to either study deeper in child development, or to find out how the mind of a child reacts during stress, as well as how behavior is impacted. I think I would have to study psychology of the mind and children if I want to know more. Children make interesting subjects to study behavior and stress to figure out how the mind and body works. It also helps towards finding out how the adult mind and body work when faced with stress. This chapter can get you thinking about yourself and how you work now, as opposed to how you worked as a child handling stress. It’s almost like when you say, “I wish I knew then what I know now. It would have made things in my life a whole lot easier.” Children and adults process information differently when under stress. It is just upsetting that children go through so much stress that we, as adults, don’t always know about or understand. Studying children’s stress and situations will hopefully help us better understand their inner workings. Children just need to be children again without all the stress. Children also should not have to be burdened with adult problems, yet unfortunately they are.

Parents and other adults pressure children to be number one in whatever they do. Sports, fear, and anxiety from guilt and disappointment are all things that increase the pressure on children. It can be difficult for children to understand that parents only want the best for them, and a child can interpret that he needs to be the best.

There are changes toward children and their health that need to be made today in society. Stress is hurting children in more ways than one and they need our help. Things that can help are looking for the symptoms, and working with children one on one as much as possible. It is important that a child gets help, rather than suffering through it. So basically I want to make sure to either learn more about child stress or make sure children get the help they need.

Our Second -- and Last -- Entry on Chapter 8

Can you believe we've made our way through 8 chapters of "The Hurried Child" already? I can't...the semester is flying! I continue to be so impressed with everyone's analyses of Elkind's ideas. In our latest entry here, Rhiana Guardado has concisely addressed a number of issues around stress that are addressed by Elkind. I appreciate not only her insight, but her awareness of the child's AND parents' perspectives and/or challenges. Enjoy!

Rhiana wrote:
In chapter eight, Elkind addresses the issue of stress, and the various forms of stress to which children are susceptible. He believes that any situation where a child is hurried creates stress in the child. I think that his notion is correct. I have witnessed countless incidences where an adult rushed a child because he had an agenda, and the child was not moving fast enough. In our society, stress invokes a sense of frenzy in our lives. I remember one instance in high school where my best friend exclaimed, “There are not enough hours in a day.” There is so much that needs to be accomplished and not enough hours afforded to us, it seems. Our society is stressed, and the repercussion of this stress is often felt by children.

Elkind wrote that “schools hurry children by pushing them into dull routines of much adult work” (p.180). I must admit, I am guilty of this practice. I am an aide at an elementary school. I work with preschoolers and kindergartners. Often times, there are children who do not do their work when they are supposed to. I can’t really blame them (I myself, a college student, do not want to do my work sometimes). However, there are expectations placed upon these children to excel. They are required to do all their work, or face the consequences of being kept inside at recess, or, of being held back another year. My job is to encourage them and to let them know that they can achieve if they just try. However, if they are moving slowly, I prompt them to move faster. It is not because I enjoy putting pressure on them, but rather because I want them to be able to go play and have fun, as I feel children should.

When I was in kindergarten, I had a blast. I loved coloring and cutting out shapes. It breaks my heart when I see a child who wants to drop out of school because he doesn’t know how to use the scissors. Learning at this age, 4 to 6, is supposed to be fun. However, the stress put on these children to excel conveys nothing of the like. While I know that the work is daunting, I also know that it is not impossible. Teachers and aides can only do so much. If parents could take the time to help their children learn, perhaps children would not feel as stressed in school.

Elkind mentioned that television adds additional stress on children. I believe that he is correct in this notion. In the days before television, children had to create their own forms of entertainment. They were not cooped up inside all day in front of a talking box. They were outside playing. Children release stress when they are active. It makes them feel better. However, with television, the internet, and video games, there is much more entertainment inside the house. Therefore, children are not as active, and as a result are not releasing their stress. I believe that parents are also afraid to let their children play outside for fear of what might happen to them. They feel safer knowing that their children are safe inside the house. I think this may add additional stress on children because they may be compelled to eat more, adding more weight to their frames, and therefore creating more stress.

Chapter 8 Entry -- The First of Two

You might remember that the author of our latest blog entry, Tianna Baines, had her first child, Kazidy, right after the semester started. Though I'm sure she's exhausted, she has hung in this semester like a trooper, and I think you'll enjoy this new mom's thoughts about chapter 8.

She wrote:
As a new parent, this entire book has been interesting to me. In this chapter, Elkind discusses how hurrying children is a form of stress and how it affects them. He focused on three different areas that cause children to stress. He began with responsibility, change, and emotional overloads caused by parents. When parents have very busy lifestyles, they tend to have little time to give sufficient attention to their children. They either require the oldest child to help around the house, doing more chores and taking care of younger siblings, or there are various other caregivers who take their place. Elkind states that these things cause children to become stressed because they now have adult responsibilities, and it is a lot for them to deal with. I can relate to this because I am the oldest of three. There were times when I had to help my siblings prepare for school in the morning, and also babysit after school because my mom (being a single parent) had to be at work. Back then I didn’t realize that these extra responsibilities were the cause of my not being able to play as much or be outside as long. Now I’ll know what to avoid with my own daughter so that she’ll enjoy her childhood.

Next Elkind discusses the stress that school places on children,not only because of grades and high honors, but now because of the violence. Today school violence goes way beyond the classic bullying, with children having access to guns but no guidance. While reading this section I wondered how parents can assure their children that school is a safe place so that they’ll be excited about school and learning. More importantly, I wondered how teachers can better read the signals of students under so much stress that they turn to such violence.

Another stressor in schools is the monotonous and rushed structure of the classroom. We’ve discussed many times how rote memorization does not help children. I believe that teachers who disagree with this process of teaching, used simply for standardized tests, should protest it so that better teaching styles can be implemented. This fast paced, tedious style introduces children to early burn out before they reach college and try to pursue a career.

Lastly is stress the media causes. Elkind states that it presents children with too much information that they are not capable of understanding, causing an overload. In this state of overload, children work more and play less, which leaves no opportunity for stress relief. I feel that children in today’s society watch too much TV anyway, whether it’s age appropriate or not. Parents shouldn’t use television as a babysitter. They should become more involved in their children’s lives and plan more social and physical activities. I remember when I was young, my mom didn’t allow us to watch certain programs because she felt they were too violent even though they were kid programs. I always thought she was being unfair, but this was her way of protecting us from additional stressors for which my siblings and I weren’t emotionally ready. The simplest rules from parents are beneficial to children in many ways, and allowing children to be themselves and grow at their own pace makes healthier children.

Our Final Entry on Chapter 7

This is Shannon Nash, the author of our fourth and final entry on chapter 7. She is with her brother, and their parents took this when they were cleaning their garage. You've got to appreciate the things children will find for play!

My apologies to Shannon for taking so long to get her entry posted here. She turned it in the week before we left for Spring Break, and though I'd hoped to get it posted then, I actually ended up taking a break...and not logging on here at all! But Spring Break's over, so we're back...and I think Shannon's entry will get you right back in the spirit of Elkind's work, as she did a great job.

Shannon wrote:
Chapter seven is about how children learn to be social. I was a little bit surprised at how many different ways children learn to interact socially. Family plays the biggest role in socializing children. Elkind pointed out the ways that different theorists think children are socialized. He used examples from Bandura, Skinner, Piaget, and Freud. Elkind also talked about different kinds of contracts between parents and their children. These contracts are created through trust, and if they are broken by the parents, children feel betrayed.

The first contract is a parent-child contract. This one is when the parents mediate for the child in his or her social situations. This is interesting to me. Growing up, you never realize why your parents are doing the things they do, why you get punished for something you thought was not really a big deal, or why your friends get to stay out later than you. When you are young and in the moment, it is hard to notice that your parents are just looking out for you. The parent-child contract helps children construct their society. Every time my parents told me, “ No,” growing up, I thought they were mean and just did not want me to have any fun. In reality, they were helping me construct my society. I look back now and realize that they were right most of the time. There are times when certain things are alright to do, and times when they are not. Being older and having more knowledge, they realized that, while I did not.

The second contract is freedom-responsibility. The parents use this contract to gain trust and give trust. If a child is responsible, she will get more freedom. For instance, if a child gets her homework done before dinner, she can stay up late to watch her favorite show. It is a give-and-take type of contract. I think this contract is important because it helps a child learn to be responsible. I do that with myself now. I am not allowed to turn on my television at night unless all my homework is done. I know it is a distraction to me so I have to set those boundaries. In children’s lives, parents set those boundaries and have to stick to them in order to teach the child responsibility.

Another contract proposed by Elkind is achievement and support. This is when a child is participating in something that he loves and the parent supports the child’s decision. An example of this would be participating on a sports team. The way the parents show support is to go to the child’s games and cheer him on. This type of support is very important in how the child succeeds in that particular activity. When I was in high school, I was on the swim team and every time I had a swim meet, my dad would leave work early to come watch me. My mom worked part time so she was always able to be there, but either way, I had her support. My brother played baseball all his life so I spent many days and nights at the baseball fields watching him play. When I was on the swim team, he had moved about six hours away to go to college. I always gave him a hard time because he never came to my meets while I spent most of my life watching him play baseball.

Those are a few examples of some of Elkind’s contracts. Reading these contracts really tells you how a child can be hurried. Putting pressure on children to perform is happening more and more these days. Children have so much to live for, but they are only hurried along by their societies and always having to be the best at something. Going back to my swim team days, even though my parents supported me in every meet, and wanted me to do well and win my races, they did not care if I came in first place or last place. They knew that I was happy swimming. Even I did not care about the competition. I just loved being in the water. I was very fortunate to have parents who did not push me to do better or go faster; they were happy just knowing I was happy. I feel that more parents need to be this way and to just support their children, not make them become more than they really wanted.

Another Entry on Chapter 7

This is what our latest author, Lauren Ducusin, had to say about this picture: "It's a picture of my twin sister and I dressed as bunnies. My grandma took great pride and pleasure in hand-making most of our costumes and clothes when we were little. I'm on the right, in case you can't tell! With Easter around the corner, I thought, 'Bunnies! How appropriate!' But I also chose this picture because it captures our true social personalities so well. I have always been 'the shy one.' And my sister... well, she's... not."
Lauren might be shy, but you'll see when you read her work here that she's definitely great with words!

She wrote:
Family: we all come from one. For some of us, the family is a source of great strength, safety, and belonging, or as Elkind describes it, a sort of haven. And for others, the family operates more like a prison, where members do not find refuge in familial ties, but rather, are burdened by limitations, restrictions, and disconnectivity. As a system, the family can function as either a haven or as a prison, or, as Elkind suggests, it acts as a little bit of both- both supportive and destructive, both dysfunctional and conducive. Either way, he suggests that it is from our families that we derive an understanding of how to live within a society.
From our experiences and interactions with our families, we are socialized.

According to Elkind, there are at least four ways in which families socialize their children. These ways include modeling, behavior modification, social cognition, and psychoanalysis. Elkind takes a more comprehensive approach, one that incorporates all of the positions and combines them to form a so-called “contract” model of socialization, one that focuses on parent-child contracts. I really like his perspective. It is one that is based on what he refers to as “collective realities,” shared expectancies, a complex balance between consistent parental expectations and legitimate child performance. In other words, parental expectations and child capabilities correspond. I particularly appreciate the idea that with natural maturation of a child, this perspective calls for readjustment, a reconstruction of realities. In other words, parent-child contracts need to be revised and rewritten to better fit the child’s current cognitive status. For example, when a child moves from infancy, to school-age, to adolescence, realities, too, must follow suit. Realities shift, moving from explicit to relative; to more abstract or general. Adolescents are given more freedom than they were given as young children. This freedom is to be earned when responsibility is demonstrated through their behavior. Still, it is important that this freedom be appropriate.

Children, as future contributing members of our society, are entitled to some appropriate expansions of freedom as they develop. It is equally important, however, that parental expectations not exceed a child’s capabilities. When they do, as can often occur when children are hurried, not only has the contract between child and parent been seriously violated, but it is the children who are dealt with the heaviest blow. We have all witnessed this inconsistency take place. A small child “gets to” dress himself for school, for example, because his mom is running late for work, and he is “old enough” now, but he walks outside in fifty-degree weather with his favorite Superman cape on, and unfortunately, shorts and sandals. In another instance, a first-grader is told that she can pick whatever she wants to watch on TV, because by now, she “knows what is appropriate,” but she ends up on a channel that features violence and other “adult situations.” And then, a fourth grader comes home from school to an empty house. “After all,” his dad thinks, “we can trust him to stay out of trouble. He knows right from wrong.” But this type of thinking can be faulty. It is crucial for parents to maintain a healthy balance between freedom and restriction, based on what their children can adequately handle.

In an effort to produce individuals who are socially competent, responsible, and independent, parents are often giving their children too much freedom- freedom for which they are not yet prepared. I have a real-life example of this situation to share. I have a family friend, a single mother, who is currently raising three adolescent boys. Her youngest, a sweet, funny, smart eleven year old, is a budding musician who excels at playing nearly any instrument placed in his little hands. By the age of eight, he and his “band” were playing gigs in bars and nightclubs, as elementary school-students! Sure, he is a genuinely good kid. He “knows right from wrong,” so to speak. But has he been given too much freedom? Should any young child be in such an adult atmosphere? The text addresses this type of problem, stating that when children are placed in situations in which they are perhaps given too much freedom before they are truly ready for it, they are, in some twisted way, forced to acquire the responsibility that is associated with the freedom given. This can be debilitating to a child, who is significantly limited with regards to the appropriate level of responsibility.

I think there is enough pressure on our kids today, to grow up before they are truly ready. The last place a child needs to encounter this unreasonable pressure is at home. At home, a child is supposed to feel encouraged, not hurried; appreciated, not overlooked; and worthy, not inadequate. When we expect too much, or push too hard; when we give them more freedom than they have earned, that’s exactly what we’re doing: hurrying them in their own homes. What a terrible disservice. We can encourage without pushing; we can have goals for them without making them feel inadequate; we can afford them some freedom without forcing them to acquire responsibilities that are out of their reach. As parents, we owe it to our kids to help them face the world and to see themselves as productive, stable, strong, competent members of the society, but not at the cost of their childhoods.

Second Entry on Chapter 7: Learning to Be Social

Grace Wilhelm has contributed our second entry on chapter 7, and I'll let her tell you about the childhood photo she selected. She wrote that this is "one of my favorites- such a classic picture of our personalities as kids. My older sister (on the left) was always posing and 'perfect', my twin (in the middle) was a very mischievous but funny girl, and then I just hung out with everyone. Oh, and I think we were camping somewhere, which is still our favorite family vacation!"
With all those girls in the family AND family camping vacations, Grace clearly had plenty of time to learn to be social, without being hurried. She's done a terrific job of addressing Elkind's ideas about what children need to learn to be social, so read on and see what you think.

Grace wrote:
I was initially unaware of the socialization ramifications that arise from parenting hurried children. I enjoyed Elkind’s inclusion of different theories in the first section of the chapter. Moreover, I also believe that the family unit, through a combination of many factors, largely socializes children; children develop socially through “‘modeling’ adult behavior” (p. 142), “behavior modification…of rewards and punishment,” “social cognition” (understanding rules), and “identification and internalization” (p. 143). After further reading, I began to agree with Elkind’s contract theory. I wholeheartedly believe the many nuances of expectations parents have for their children are largely unspoken. However, children soak up both spoken and unspoken rules although they may not always immediately model the behavior of their parent or caregiver.

One silly example that I immediately remembered comes from one of my favorite movies. In Baby Mama, Amy Poehler’s character Angie acts very obnoxiously and childishly even as an adult. Unable to open a baby-proofed toilet, Angie proceeds to do her business in the sink. After being caught by her friend, she claims that she didn’t know she was “breaking a rule.” This scene is particularly funny because of this preposterous statement. Children are taught to use the toilet and maintain cleanliness at young ages. By observing and imitating adults, children learn from a young age that using a sink (or anything else for that matter!) instead of the toilet is inappropriate. Therefore, children learn many other social rules simply from observation and imitation. In the same way, adults then inherently know the correct rules and methods of going to the bathroom, making Angie’s actions ridiculous.

Just as contracts are often unspoken, contracts between parents and children are often misread and misunderstood. For instance, as a child, I unconsciously knew that my parents expected me to work hard, excel, and in turn, receive good grades at school. However, sometimes I imagined that my parents had outlandish standards, so I stressed out about particular assignments until I was very worried or exhausted. When I reached adolescence and was in high school, I remember talking to my mom one day about my struggle to succeed in my chemistry class. (I am definitely not gifted in science or math, by the way.) That day, I remember my mom reassured me, told me that I did not have to receive perfect grades, and that she received some poor grades in high school too.

Elkind further ascertains that there are three main contracts that parents have with their children. Freedom is given upon a child’s level of responsibility, achievement and support are provided, and parents also desire loyalty and commitment from children. One thing Elkind mentioned about infants that I found surprising is that they are not only attached to their parents, but they are truly loyal to their parents. One vivid memory I have that demonstrates this truth comes from a conversation my twin sister had with our kindergarten teacher one day. When the classroom electric pencil sharpener was broken, my sister told our teacher, “My dad can fix it! He can fix anything!” Our dad usually fixes things at our home and solves our car problems, so to her, this was a completely valid statement. Her trust and belief in our dad’s ability to fix mechanical problems at home and work imbued in her a sense of pride and complete faith that he could definitely fix the pencil sharpener. Our teacher told our mom the story, noting Rachel’s enthusiasm and complete trust in our dad. Although we have grown up, our dad still fixes most of the mechanical problems at our house, and my loyalty to his ability has developed from a strong commitment to his exceptional skills in repairing mechanical and electronic problems.

Also, parents often offer rewards and support for their children that are potentially harmful for children. Some children may come to believe that they are not successful if their parents do not acknowledge their achievements verbally or with tangible rewards. I must admit that I was sometimes envious of my peers as a child regarding this idea of rewards. Although many of my friends received money for getting good grades, my parents never rewarded me this way. The occasional ‘good job!’ and ‘you are working so diligently!’ were often communicated but never combined with monetary rewards. Looking back, I now know how this type of support is not necessarily beneficial. Although I was initially jealous, I realize my parent’s good intentions and how I benefited from not always receiving support contingent upon rules.

Growing up in a two-parent home, I never faced many of the contractual problems that Elkind described. I experienced stability in my family by having two parents, however, I know that this is not always the case for many children. While some single parents involve other adults to help mentor their children, some may place adult burdens on the shoulders of their children who are unaware of a different reality. Therefore, I wonder how often the help of mentoring adults balances the contracts in a single parent home. In the end, I really enjoyed reading this chapter because it was thought provoking and informative. I now clearly understand the benefits and disadvantages certain parenting practices have on the socialization of children.

Chapter 7: Learning to Be Social

This is Brittany Slaven, the author of our first (of four!) entries on chapter 7. She's being social here with her maternal grandfather near his home in Tahoe, and though snowmobiling is obviously fun...

...it's not NEARLY as fun as jumping off the snowmobile to make snow angels! Brittany said that these winter vacations have left her with "memories that will last a lifetime!" When you read her entry below, I think you'll see that Elkind's work has been motivating Brittany to think a lot about her childhood -- and I'm confident you'll appreciate her thoughts!

Brittany wrote:
In the chapter, “Learning to be Social,” Elkind states that there are four main ways for a family to socialize a child. I think it takes a combination of all four to socialize a child. But in particular, I believe that children “model” adult behavior and learn to be social in that way more often than the other ways described. It is obvious that children learn by example. Good or bad, children seem to pick up everything.

Elkind places a great deal of importance on parent-child contracts. Within those contracts, achievement and support really stuck in my mind. As a preteen and teenager, I remember being one of those “enmeshed in achievement overloaded” children whom Elkind mentioned on page 151. I was a gymnast for 17 years and competed for over nine of those years, working out over 25 hours a week. I was also very active in cheerleading, dance, leadership, 4-H and FFA, all while being a full time student. My parents wanted my brother and me to have the complete experience and enjoy it all. Looking back at those times, I was a very busy child. My brother and I both felt the pressure to be perfect, even though this was not my parents’ intention. They meant well signing us up for all the activities. If they would have known the kind of pressure we were under, I am sure they would have felt just awful. My aunt and uncle are much younger than my parents, and they were normally the people I would vent to about the stress and pressure to fulfill that goal of being the “perfect “daughter. Since then, many years have passed and they have had two daughters of their own. Their girls are active in a few activities, but it is still fresh in their minds how stressful it was for my brother and me, so they are going a different route in raising their girls.

Later in the chapter Elkind brought up a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately. He stated that there is an obligation for children to be loyal to their parents, since the parents supported the children and raised them. This section of the chapter answered a lot of my questions about a friend and her relationship, or lack thereof, with her parents. Before she was 18, she was out of the house. This was partially her decision, but she wasn’t living by her parents’ rules, and it was “their way or the highway.” For a while, I just assumed that she was going through a crazy teenager rebellious phase. After reading this section, I could better understand where she is coming from. She is the oldest child of three; there is a three-and-a-half-year gap between all three siblings. Being the oldest child, she was expected to help her parents when they needed help with the younger sister and brother. The family does well to help each other out, but the youngest has Down Syndrome and requires a lot of extra attention that the girls don’t receive. Somewhere along the way, my friend must have felt that she wasn’t as important as her younger siblings, hence the lack of obligation to the family now. As Elkind stated, damage that is done in the early childhood years often leads to consequences much later in life, most likely in adolescence.

In conclusion, “The Hurried Child” is allowing me to draw a lot of conclusions about my life experiences, many of which I may have never realized or understood, and I am excited to see what else Elkind helps me discover about life.

Our Final Chapter 6 Entry

This is Lal Koeum, the author of our final entry on chapter 6, and this is what she had to say about the picture:
"I’m either 3 or 4 years old in this picture. It was taken at Burger King on Cedar and Shields. It was one of my favorite places to go with my brothers and dad. It was our “outing”. I have many fond memories there as a child because the play place was so much fun! It is no longer there but I sure can remember it like it was just yesterday =)"

Here is her entry for you to enjoy:

While reading this chapter, I realized and felt so many different emotions relating to my childhood. It also reminded me of why I am the person that I am today. I feel as though Elkind’s words help put things into perspective that may have been unclear to me prior to having read the chapter, and I could not agree more with everything he mentioned. He thoroughly illustrated, stage by stage, how children cognitively develop by addressing Piaget’s Cognitive Stage Theory. Elkind then described how each child’s development during such stages will inevitably mold her into the adult she will someday become. He also gave many different examples of how children were hurried, with a full explanation of how harmful it can be for children.

Additionally, he addressed why adults such as parents should not treat children as equals, but rather as the children that they are. In my eyes, children are a blessing. They do amazing things and fill so many of our hearts with joy.
“Growing up slowly” is the title of my chapter, and it saddens me to see how we as a society hurry children today, especially those at such a young age. From the beginning of life, infants begin to form attachments to their caregivers. Some attachments may be secure and others may not be, but this is due to the parental guidance and attentiveness parents give to their infant. If parents respond to their infant by meeting their needs in a timely manner, an infant’s sense of mistrust can be overcome, as trust can now occur because their needs have been met. I believe children are the products of their parents. How each child is raised and their upbringing has a lot to do with the person they grow up to be. I truly feel that infancy is so crucial in the later development of a child. For example, I have been in situations where I have seen parents who are completely attuned to their infant’s needs and it just makes my heart smile. Those parents who understand their infant’s needs show me that someday their children have a chance to grow up to be trustful of their environment where they can feel free to explore. One thing that sticks with me is, “behavior is communication,” from a child’s perspective. I learned this from an instructor and it has stuck with me since. Infants cannot use language to express their feelings and emotions. Their communication is their behavior, whether it is through crying, raising their arms, shifting their heads, etc. Their needs and wants can be distinguished if the parent is responsive at appropriate times.

Another thing that stuck out to me that Elkind said was that during the concrete preoperational stage, reading and arithmetic become a part of children’s schedules. Children go to school and much of what they are learning is almost forced upon them. Some children are also praised for something they themselves may fully not understand, but are capable of doing, such as “reading” a book through memorization because they have been exposed to it many times. For instance, in Kindergarten today, children are doing homework and are taught to read. If they cannot read at the end of Kindergarten, they will be held back at the discretion of the teacher. As a child, I honestly do not remember having to read in order to move forward in grade level. I remember playing, singing, and doing things that were physical and more social rather than feeling burdened with homework on a daily basis at the age of 5!

Furthermore, I shared this sentiment of Elkind’s: “Hurrying children academically, therefore, ignores the enormity of the task that children face in acquiring basic math and reading skills. We need to appreciate how awesome an intellectual task learning the basics really is for children and give them the time they need to accomplish it well” (p. 127). Time is what children need. Why can’t more parents/adults see this? Allow children the chance to get to the basics before rushing them to move forward to that next step that some children just are not prepared for.

Lastly, a quote that really struck a chord is, “Children who are hurried as children may not understand or resent the hurrying until they become adolescent. Then they may begin to be angry and resentful at parents for reasons the parents find hard to fathom” (p. 134). I related to this quote quite a bit. I found myself realizing that I too felt that way many times. I resented my parents for a lot of things they did not expose me to because, in their eyes, the world was a dangerous place. I was extremely sheltered and did not see my first movie in a theater until I was fifteen years old. In addition, initially, they did not want to allow me to date until I graduated college. If they had followed through with that, I would not be in a loving and committed relationship with my boyfriend who I met in high school. My friends were constantly in shock with some of the rules my parents had in place for me. There were many things I was not allowed to do because my parents were strict and authoritative. I never rebelled but chose to date at fifteen years old on my own terms. My parents were then forced to adapt to the American culture I was exposed to and longed to fit into. My parents felt their sheltering ways protected me from the dangerous world but I slowly learned that what they did was somewhat unfair, and because of my “sheltered” childhood, as an adult, I do not trust easily.

Another Chapter 6 Entry

This is our latest author, Brittany Bonilla, and her little sister doing one of the many fun things non-hurried children do -- blowing bubbles! She has some great insight to share in her entry, so enjoy!

Brittany wrote:
To start off, I really enjoyed this chapter. It was a great refresher on Piaget. The way Elkind explained cognitive development in relation to what children should be learning in school was very helpful in understanding why so many young children are struggling academically. I liked that Elkind talked about Piaget and Erikson’s stages, because it is easier to understand the developmental process as a whole when you can think about everything the child is going through at that given age. There is a more clear understanding now of why a child who is “hurried” to grow up would have such a hard time creating a secure attachment and strong trust with their caretaker. This chapter explains that when infants are constantly shuffled around between babysitters and caretakers, they miss out on the experience to create that bond, which in turn affects their opportunity to learn. As we know, in Piaget’s sensorimotor stage, infants need to manipulate objects to gain experience, and if they are not given the right amount of time and care, they will not be able to do this.

In the next stage, it is crucial for children from the ages of roughly two to six or seven to explore things and ask questions in order to learn. So we have to wonder how a child is supposed to be able to do this if she is going to athletic practice or piano lessons, and then has hours of homework when she gets home. Also, if the child has busy parents who are too tired or don’t have the time to explore things with her, she is losing out on some major developmental processes. The next couple of years between this age and adolescence are crucial because it is when children start to learn how to associate with their peers. They learn about friends and making rules, which is all a part of detaching themselves from their parents. If children are too busy, or their parents are, and they are forced to take care of themselves, they do not have time to develop friendships with peers. T They are then unable to differentiate between who is an authority figure in their life and who isn’t. Our book gives a great example of how a kid who may be forced to take care of himself may give more authority to a sport team captain than to his own parent.

The section that covers the formal operational period focuses a lot on Erikson’s crisis of personal identity vs. role confusion. Adolescents are so confused with figuring out who they are and what they want to be that it puts a lot of stress on them. It is even worse when they have been hurried by their parents to take on a certain role since they were very small. For example, if a child has been pushed since a young age to be an amazing tennis player, it will be difficult for him to gain his own identity if he doesn’t even like tennis.

Elkind also talks about the term imaginary audience, which refers to the idea that teenagers think everyone else is as concerned with their looks, feelings, and thoughts as they are. Elkind also talks about the term personal fable, which is the thought that you must be something special if everyone is concerned about what you are doing. This leads to the idea of being invincible and assuming that bad things will never happen to you. I have to agree with the book when it says that the imaginary audience can have a strong impact on an adolescent’s self esteem. Additionally, the personal fable can definitely lead to bad decision making; however, they were some things I view a little differently. Elkind says that a major contributor to developing an imaginary audience could be the exposure to a real audience as a child. I do agree that things like extreme beauty pageants for five year olds, like the ones you see on television, are ridiculous. However, I don’t agree that exposure to a real audience leads to the development of a more powerful imaginary audience or a personal fable. I have been dancing on stage since I was about 3 years old, only because I wanted to; it was never something I was forced to do. Either way, I feel that being on stage helped me gain self esteem and confidence. Going through junior high and high school, I was never freaked out about public speaking or raising my hand in class, and I feel like I owe that to my many years of performing on stage in front of people. Despite that one little issue, I agree with the issues discussed in this chapter, and they make me very sad for children growing up today . I feel that it is so unfortunate that little ones are missing out on so much, simply because they or their parents are just too “busy.”

Chapter 6: Growing Up Slowly

This is our latest entry's author, Shayna Dobbins, her mom, and her little sister, Justine. Those of you who know Shayna must be able to tell which child she is -- though she's all grown up now, she is definitely recognizable! For those of you who don't, though, she is the blonde one. She said: "I have always loved this picture of us girls (before the boys came -- haha!). And my sister's sweater is to die for!"

I think you'll see that Shayna's entry is "to die for," too, as she's done a great job. It's the first of our three chapter 6 entries.

Shayna wrote:
The title of this chapter, “Growing Up Slowly,” sounds so lovely to us as adults. However, I dare many of you to remember your own childhood. Did you want to grow up slowly? I can honestly admit I did not want to grow up slowly. I thought that life began once I was an adult and was free. I vividly remember standing in front of the mirror at 10 years old and thinking, “What will I look like when I am 16, 25…?,” and so on. I was in a hurry. I wanted to be older and to be free. I honestly thought that freedom came once I was old enough to do the choosing and deciding.

Looking back, I think most of this had to do with having the parental role thrust on me at such a young age. I am the oldest of four, and I had a single mom doing the best she could to raise us to be healthy, productive, loving people. I would say she did a wonderful job, as I love my mom very much. I am sure if she had lived under different circumstances, I would have grown up much more slowly. My own mom was forced to grow up hurriedly, as she had me at only 17 years old, the day before classes for her senior year began. I am sure that she did not wish for me or my siblings to be forced to grow up in a hurried way. I know she did the best she could to teach us this. I am sure she must have subliminally enforced not having children until we were finished with school. She never blatantly told us that having kids at 17 was extremely difficult. She did not want us to think we were a burden to her. However, one of my goals growing up was to graduate school without getting pregnant (and it kind of worked -- ha-ha. As many of my classmates know, I am now pregnant, with my first child. She is due the week of graduation. My husband and I have been trying and planning for our baby, and she could not come at a more perfect time). Once I graduated high school and then graduated with my Associates Degree, I was already so proud of myself. I knew I had broken the cycle and this was extremely fulfilling for me.

Elkind mentioned that many teens have a personal fable. They believe that they are extremely special and that nothing bad will happen to them, because they are the hero of their own story. I am thinking perhaps this is what my mom was thinking when she was only 17. Perhaps she thought, “Those other girls get pregnant, but it can’t/won’t happen to me. I am special.” I can remember always thinking things happen to other people, but can’t possibly happen to me. This is clearly explained as the personal fable. I do not think only adolescents are victim to this thinking. There are many adults today who have the same thought processes. Seeing other couples get divorced, losing their homes, losing their jobs or being victims of hurricanes and earthquakes, I know many adults are thinking in terms of a personal fable: "That only happens to other people, not us."

I really appreciated the section in this chapter about gaining a sense of industry or inferiority. Elkind says that there may be a child growing up in horrible conditions, but perhaps a teacher or mentor can help that child realize her sense of achievement and help her gain a sense of industry. I am pretty sure that is the reason many of us are either child development majors, or just have a love of children. We all want to be the one that can make a difference. There is nothing in my mind that is better than knowing I may have helped someone realize that she is special. I have had many teachers and mentors who have helped reinforce my sense of industry. These teachers helped me, although many of them may have no idea the impact that they have made on my life. Sometimes it was something as small as a kind word in a time of need, or a teacher who truly took the time to let me know that he or she thought I had something special. I am fondly remembering being in 4th grade, and having a favorite teacher of mine tell me I should try out for the Math-A-Thon. I had never really thought of myself as being particularly good at math, but thought I would give it a try. I am very sure that because of this one suggestion I now have a love of math today, and have always thought of myself as being particularly good at the subject. When someone tells you that you are special, important, or that they believe in you, this can truly make an impact in your life. I know this is my ultimate goal in life, to reinforce a sense of industry, to help children know that they are special each in their own way, and to help children have the confidence in themselves to attain any of their goals, by believing in themselves.

Our Last Chapter 5 Entry

Kristen Bergmann has contributed our third and final entry for chapter 5. I think you'll enjoy what she has to say.

She wrote:
The chapter I read talked a lot about the growing technologies in the world today. David Elkind explains that children are being forced to grow up too fast, and are expected to understand technology use at an extremely young age. He continues to explain that companies are coming out with new ideas about how children should learn and spend their playtime. Because the world we live in is growing everyday with new technologies, many are starting to have their children work on their technological skills extremely early. Elkind then begins to talk about “lapware.” Lapware are computer programs and games that allow the child to sit on the lap of a parent or caregiver while using a keyboard and a mouse.

Lapware is designed to help children develop computer skills, and is made for babies 6 months to 4 years. There are characters in lapware that these children can relate to and that catch their interest. Being an 80s baby, I was raised differently than babies are being raised today. The closest I ever got to technological use at such a young age was owning a talking bear. Elkind also has some quotes from professors from Stanford who claim that children at this age need to touch and feel things on their own. They get stimulation everyday in the everyday world. They claim that children should not be around technologies that take away what it’s like to play outside or to grasp and feel their toys and surroundings.

There are also some professors who claim that many children idolize their parents and want to interact with their parents, and do the same things they watch them do. While playing with lapware, they sit on the lap of the parent or caregiver, which is a bonding experience for them. I personally believe that kids should be outside and playing with toys more than being near a computer. There are other ways for a child to bond with her parent or guardian. Growing up, I was always encouraged to spend my free time playing outside and experiencing things on my own. Today our lives revolve around technologies; my old elementary school is now requiring its students to have laptops. I understand the idea is to develop skills early on, but the pressure to grow up and understand a program designed to help you with your technological skills is asking a lot of a 6 month year old baby.

This chapter made me think about how fast paced our world is. The fact that children have to grow up so quickly makes me appreciate the childhood that I had. It seems to me that children are not getting the childhood they deserve, and they should not be deprived of that. I seem to be leaning more towards having more of a normal childhood: going outside and learning on their own and being hands on with objects. They have plenty of time to develop the skills needed for computer and technology use. I strongly believe that children should stay young and be allowed to have that time they need to act like a child.

Challenges of a Babysitter

This is Ruth Tolmachoff, at 5 months old, listening to a story being "read" by her 2 1/2 year old sister, Sarah. When she sent me this picture to accompany her entry for chapter 5, she said that her mom wanted me to know that even though Ruth is "hamming it up for the camera," her family was teaching her early literacy skills by having her sister read to her. Ruth said, "It must have worked because I love reading!"

I think you'll see in her entry that her love of reading is accompanied by a talent for writing. Enjoy.

Ruth wrote:

While reading this chapter about children exposed to lapware, brain research, and the Internet, I kept thinking about different examples from the children I babysit. I have been babysitting for about eight years. Throughout my entire babysitting experiences, children have enjoyed playing some of the same classic games, like hide-and-seek, house, and tag. However, lately I have noticed a change in how children play and what they play with.

When I first started babysitting, I only had to worry about how much television a child watched, or which siblings’ turn it was to pick a movie. Now I have to monitor and balance how much time a child watches television, plays video games, and is on the computer. I do not know how many times I have turned off the television, saying it is time to do something else, and am asked if they can go onto the computer or play Wii. In their minds, playing Nintendo DS is different than a Game Boy, and Wii is different than PlayStation.

Another example that comes to my mind involves another of the families I babysit for; they have a four-year-old girl and an eleven-month-old boy. The parents taught their daughter that when her brother is crying, she can go onto the computer to play games on the PBS and Nickelodeon websites. She will just click from game to game, and I get scared that one day, she will keep clicking on links, and who knows where she will end up. There is too much scary stuff on the Internet that she can access. She gets mad when I am there and do not let her on the computer. I have to watch her carefully because she will try to sneak onto it without my knowing. Thankfully, she also loves role playing, reading books, and playing outside! She has loved puppies her whole life, and her favorite game right now is to pretend that we are puppies who are looking for penguins (you’d be amazed how well penguins can hide)! Her brother loves watching his sister running around the house as she plays these games.

However, even before reading this chapter, I thought that he had too many electronic toys. He has a steering wheel, a piano keyboard, balls, and various other toys that light up and play music. While these might be a good distraction as his parents sneak out the door, I try not to let him play with them much. We play peek-a-boo, take walks to the park, and play hide-and-seek with his sister (he always gives up our hiding spot when he hears his sister coming close!).

Gary Malone, a professor of one of my classes, said the other day, “Batteries never run out on a pot lid.” He was trying to make the point that children do not need expensive toys with the latest technology to have fun and learn. They need to interact with their environment to learn about it, not with “educational” software. This is also Elkind’s point: “There is no evidence that early exposure to computers gives children an edge in computer literacy, self-confidence, or self-esteem” (p. 108). Children would be better off if we just let them play with the pots and pans, unroll the toilet paper roll, and repeatedly drop their spoons on the floor. Children do not need technology to teach them about their world. They need to interact with it to learn that when you pull the cat’s tail you will get scratched (like my little cousin learned!). Just think, if they are playing with cat tails and pans, you do not have to worry about changing the batteries!

The Dynamics of Hurrying: Lapware, Brain Research, and the Internet

Lydia Kantor did a terrific job on our first entry for chapter 5. Here it is:

In chapter 5, Dr. Elkind talks of the new push for infant lapware and other technology that seems to be pressing down on children today. Dr. Elkind gives examples of how technology is ever changing and is changing young children’s lives in today’s age. He compares the first edition of the book to his newest and how much things have changed over the last twenty years. Today the technological advances and marketing media are playing largely on parental guilt. For instance, parents are being made to feel that if they don’t buy this new technology for their child, they won’t turn out as smart as other children whose parents bought their child the newest piece of technology. Parents in today’s society are feeling the ever growing pressure of getting their child ready for life. What we know as child development majors is that children will be ready with adequate time and experiences; there’s no need to rush children through life. Each child will be well-equipped with the experiences their parents have provided them. While providing such technology to an infant may boost the parents’ ego, there is research that “warns of the danger of overstimulation” (p. 103). Dr. Elkind explains that children get enough stimulation in their everyday interactions. Although technology is making amazing advances, it’s also impeding the experiences of young children. Children, in today’s age, are bombarded by new video game systems, computers, and other electronic experiences that are taking away from nature’s experiences.


As a child, I can remember always being outside, playing in the yard and experiencing what nature provided us. Whether it was climbing in trees or making mud pies, my brother and I were always outside. When we had to stay indoors, due to weather, I remember we would either play a board game or we would play separately in our rooms. While growing up, my brother and I didn’t need television or video games to entertain us; we were content to find our own entertainment. We did have a Nintendo game system, with I think three games, but it wasn’t on as much as today’s game systems. I can remember a time when my family would visit my Aunt, who lives in the Bay Area, and my little cousin would be on his Play Station the whole time we were at the house. If we went out to dinner, he would have to save his game and my aunt would have to pry him away from the console. By the time my cousin was in junior high, he had the latest game system and games. I can remember thinking to myself that this kid is addicted to these games. Whenever we would go outside, it seemed as though my cousin didn’t know how to pretend or engage in what nature was providing around us. They had a swing set, tire swing, and vast nature around them; their house sat on a hill with vegetation all around. My brother and I would go and make forts, play war, and have awesome games of hide-and-go-seek. We had a blast, but had a difficult time getting my cousin to come out with us.


I fully agree that technology is a great resource, but it should be monitored by parents with a set time limit to accompany it. I also believe that each set of parents should sit down and discuss how long their child can play video games, and what type of games they’ll allow in the house. I believe too, that they should weigh the pros and cons of exposing their children to such technology at an early age. When exposing infants and young children to the technology of today, parents should move slowly and with care, especially when considering the effects of overstimulation on infants. I believe that it is the parents’ full responsibility to discuss technological advances, when they will be introduced to the child, and at what age. Yes, technology is a great tool and good for keeping children occupied, but when is it too much? I was just talking to my friends who have a 2 year-old daughter and went on their first big car trip with her. They were the parents who said they wouldn’t use television or videos as a babysitter, but on their way to Las Vegas with a screaming 2 year-old, they would try anything to calm her down. They found that it worked and kept her entertained. However, they mentioned something to me the other day: Whenever they get in the car, they plug in a video for her. In this day and age, in every car at a stop light, it seems that every child is parked in front of a video screen with some sort of cartoon playing. I completely understand the video for a long distance trip, but around town? I feel that real meaningful conversations should take place with one’s child instead.