Sharon Vang is the author of our very last chapter entry, and this is a picture of her and her sister in their backyard when she was little. She said, "That’s me on the right. She’s older and taller than me in the picture, but I am now taller than her."
I think you'll agree with me that Sharon has written a great entry to finish things up for us. Enjoy.
She wrote:
In Chapter 10, Elkind examines how children perceive hurrying and how the results can create stress. Depending on their level of mental development, Elkind believes that children deal with hurrying in different ways and that hurrying can affect children in negative ways. It is up to adults and parents to decipher how to make it less stressful for children. The way to do this is to view the world through the eyes of our hurried children. Only then can we can begin to help children understand that hurrying is not our way of rejecting or applying stress on them.
I can definitely relate to Elkind’s thoughts on the different ways that children can perceive hurrying. As a child, my parents always pushed me to do well in school. They expected the best out of me and it was quite frustrating at times. I felt as though they didn’t understand the stress that I was going through. I had to earn good grades, do my chores and help my brothers with their homework too. It was a tall task. Even though I did well in school, it never seemed to be good enough for them. All the while, they would never complain or make such comments about my brothers’ grades. I felt as though they didn’t appreciate or love me for who I was. For the things I did to please them, it never seemed to be enough. I felt a sense of rejection. It was as though I had given everything and got nothing back in return. It wasn’t until I asked my parents why they treated me like they did that they told me they did so because they had faith that I could succeed in anything I put my mind to. It was then that I began to realize why they did the things they did. I still wasn’t too happy about the stress they put me through, but I was more understanding of the reasons why they acted as they did. After apologizing to me about the whole situation, my mother commented that she wished she had put herself in my shoes so she could have prevented herself from putting me through such stress. My parents became more understanding about my education and since then, they have supported me in everything I’ve chosen to do in my life.
Elkind also expresses his feelings about the importance of having a childhood experience filled with pleasures, and that we learn from children’s experiences caused by hurrying. I agree with Elkind in that children have a right to enjoy the pleasures of being a child. They should be able to experience the unconditional love of their parents and the adoration of others. Childhood is an experience that only comes around once during a lifetime, so it is important that both children and adults take the time to experience its value. There are ups and downs and there are lessons to be learned from hurrying children. But it’s most important that children and adults learn from their failures so they can appreciate the value of the experiences that come with childhood.
I've really enjoyed this blog and am going to miss the entries. Everyone had such great points!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing your thoughts and your journey through the book with us via the blogosphere!
=)
I do believe that this chapter was helpful in explaining how to lessen or even prevent the stress caused by some hurrying. Elkind suggests that parents should appreciate and validate their child’s feelings by explaining the purpose of their actions. This may help children to enjoy their childhood more because they will known that their parents do love and care for them. Furthermore, the choices they make concerning their children are for the best. Elkind believes that it is important to live in the now and enjoy the present. This is most beneficial to the hurrying aspect because when parents enjoy the time they spend with their children they don’t focus on rushing them into mature responsibilities that they’re not ready for.
ReplyDeleteSharon,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to some of the feelings you had towards your parents treating your brother differently than how they treated you. My brother is smart and school comes easy to him, so my parents expected me to do just as well. I think I had to study twice as hard to come up with grades that were equal to his, and felt that my parents didn’t understand all the effort behind those grades. I felt that because they didn’t see me stay up until all hours of the night, that they didn’t appreciate the time and effort that I put towards my grades. But like you, I asked my parents in high school, if they understood how many hours of studying I had to put into my grades; they truly had no idea, but came to realize that I had to study, study, study for my grades, whereas my brother just had to glance over things to understand it. It was frustrating, but relief as my parents began to realize the time I put towards my grades. Now, finishing college, I am grateful for the push to better myself, although at the time I couldn’t see it, hindsight is always better.
Sharon,
ReplyDeleteI couldn’t agree more with your opening statement and the part where you said, “It is up to adults and parents to decipher how to make it less stressful for children. The way to do this is to view the world through the eyes of our hurried children.” This is such a true statement, but what gets me is that parents and adults are also in such a hurry, so for them to take the time to do this would be great however I don’t know if it’s realistic.
Thank you for sharing your own experiences with this. I think a lot of students could relate to you growing up, maybe not all to that degree, but especially the oldest or the only female in the family. That is a huge stressor all on its own and to put school on top of having to be perfect in the equation? I am happy that your parents were able to see your point of view and what it did to you as a child. I know it must have been rough, but I am sure it has made you the strong female you are today.
-Rena Fields
Sharon, I can understand how you feel when your parents pushed you to do well in school. My parents and grandparents did they same thing. To this day I feel bad if I do not get A’s in school, even if it is a B. Yes, we want our children to get good grades. However, when they feel like the failed unless they get straight A’s, that is putting way too much stress on them to be perfect. Parents need to teach their children that it is okay if they are not perfect. Children need to feel loved and accepted no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI can say that I completely understand! As the oldest of three, I feel that my schooling was scrutinized more than my two younger sister's ever has been. I know that I was the first, and the one setting the example for everyone younger than me, but still it's not fair! And then to think about how much pressure I was under to make sure my grades were top notch, yet my baby sister (who is almost 16 and far from being a baby), is able to skate by with a C average... Don't worry, I'm not bitter in the slightest.
ReplyDeleteOk, so maybe I am a little bothered by the differences in how my sisters and I have been pushed, but I would have to agree with Lydia, that these days I am thankful for that extra fire lit under my booty. Because of that, I have been able to accomplish so much in my life.
Pressure is not always fun, but can have rewards when the finished line has been crossed.
Nicole Thiessen
Sharon I think you did a great job in explaining our very last chapter! I too remember feeling somewhat overwhelmed when I was younger, but am very thankful that I was never forced to participate in anything I didn't want to. That is something I think parents aren't thinking about these days, I see so many adults forcing their kids to play sports and join clubs that the children are not even interested in! There is no doubt that this is definitely causing stress for kids. Based on my experience I know it is possible to have both childhood experiences and be involved with activities. However, I don't think I would have had the same positive memories if I had not been doing things that I personally loved and enjoyed. Something we discussed earlier in the boom was that parents sometimes make their kids have busy schedules because they themselves have too much on their plate. I think this is a major reason why children deal with so much pressure and stress.
ReplyDeleteSharon,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your blog entry. I agree with you that children do have the right to enjoy childhood. Childhood is a time where children should feel as little stress as possible and be able to feel that unconditional love from their parents. As a teenager I felt a lot of stress from my parents by pushing me to do well in track. It was hard for me to perform to their expectations because of the stress I felt from them. Like you, I asked me parents why they put so much pressure on me. My parents said that they thought the pressure would help me perform better. My parents did not know how much the stress was hurting me as a teenager. From this experience I have learned that when I have my own children to not put to much stress on them and to encourage them to do their best.
Jessica Dean
Sharon,
ReplyDeleteI admire that you actually confronted your parents on this issue. I have been struggling with a similar situation with my mother and I am going crazy. She has such high expectations and makes our relationship awkward, I feel like nothing is good enough. It was comforting to me to see the courage you had to talk about the subject with your parents. It is obvious that parents only want the best for their children but it is frustrating when they don’t know when to stop.
I want to thank you for sharing your experience, it gives me faith that maybe this issue I am having may also be resolved some day!
Sincerely,
Brittany Slaven
I can definitely feel your pain. For years, all that my parents wanted was for me to have good grades, and they never knew the amount of stress they put on me. I remember finally reaching college and sitting in orientation at Dog Days. They relayed to us that our parents wouldn’t have to see our grades unless we gave them permission, and I was SOOO happy. I told my mom that she will never see my grades again, unless I give her the permission. I also realized that from K-12, I went to school for my parents and not for myself. I was so concerned with making my parents happy through my grades that I ignored the pleasure of good grades, sports, and the honor roll. I was so brainwashed with the whole “get good grades,” that I never realized I hated school because it never gave my parents the satisfaction that they were looking for. When I reached college, I realized that whatever major I chose to pursue will be a serious life choice, and should be something that I enjoy for MYSELF. Since that day, I have chosen to get good grades for myself and not my parents. I have excelled in school and even got my first 4.0. I thank my love and passion for Child Development, and of course, Mikow!!!
ReplyDelete-Iyare Isibor