Another Entry on Chapter 2 / The Dynamics of Hurrying: Parents

Here is our second entry on chapter 2, written by Iyare. I don't have a childhood picture of her to share, but you might recognize her around campus. She returned from a trip to Cuba right at the beginning of the semester, and can be seen wearing t-shirts with Cuban heroes on them! I think you'll enjoy her take on chapter 2.

Iyare wrote:
I agree with Elkind that we live in a society that forces our children to adapt to the changes from the postindustrial era. This forces them to take on the role of “mini-parents” instead of their rightful role as children. . Parents don’t understand how much they’re hurting their childhood rather than nourishing it. Elkind talked about a society that is growing into a selfish, egocentric, “It’s all about me” time. We’ve pushed ourselves into the corner because of our fear, and because society is too intimidating to us.

It saddens me so much to see children raising themselves because mom wants to go out to the club with her friends, or dad wants to hang with the guys. They forget the responsibility of their children. The parent has maintained a role that was fulfilling to them before they had children. Rather than adapting that role to fit their children’s needs, they decide that they aren’t going to sacrifice their lifestyle for the sake of their children.

Then there is the other half of society that is full of single parent homes. With this on the rise there are new challenges of how one parent has to fill the void of the absent parent. In some shape or form, the child will eventually take on the role of the parent or the parent’s indirect stress. This compels them to adapt to their parent’s situation, resulting in a loss of a healthy way of developing a childhood experience.

Today we respond to the stress in our daily lives by trying to find success in our children’s activity. We see this every day, such as the dad who enrolls little Billy into baseball early so he can be the next Barry Bonds and make it to the Big Leagues. There is no automatic pressure inherent in enrolling Billy in baseball; however, when dad does this with the intention of seeing Billy become a superstar, rather than with the intention of simply facilitating his development to its greatest extent, the outcomes can turn negative. On the surface, we may just see Billy’s dad wanting him to succeed. We may not know that dad once played ball and blew out his arm, ruining his chances to make it in the professional league. And now dad wants Billy to fulfill his unrealized dreams. We need to start focusing on developing our children in a rich environment that is meant to nurture their growth rather than ours.

It seems that parents in our society have taken on a more extreme agenda of trying to insure that their children live the childhood that they – the parents – would have liked to live. They want them to become a better replica of who they were as a child. Elkind talked about how early organized sports has become the main way that parents try to prepare their children to become established athletes. Additionally, now parents are striving to put their children into drama class to become the next Brad Pitt, or in singing lessons to be the next finalist on American Idol.

I found it interesting when Elkind started to talk about children being seen as symbols. I remember as I grew up, I was the only girl among three boys and a father. Within our cultural setting, it was always the woman’s or the girl’s role to be the caretaker of the family in regards to taking care of the males’ needs. My mother worked two jobs and ran a restaurant at night. Now as you may presume, I immediately became the designated caretaker at the age of 7. I remember my mom always telling me that I had to be the mommy and be a good student for the family. It never once dawned on me that I was just a symbol of what our culture had molded women to be, which was a good “mommy” and a “good student.” My mother endured stress from work that she transformed into a burden that I had to carry, because I was the designated mother.

So why do I continue to study in an area like child development where hope and abandonment of morals is at a high?…

The reason I strive in this major the way I do is for the same reason that Elkind is urging parents to see and understand that their lives are causing their children to hurry through life. I want parents to know that it’s okay if Billy doesn’t make it to the big league. Maybe it just wasn’t his sport.

I want parents to take the time to ask our children, “What would you like to do today?”

We might be surprised to learn how many of them would tell us simple things, like, “Mom, can I play with your make-up today?” or “I want to bake cookies.” We should be encouraging our kids to do what they want to do rather than what we didn’t get a chance to do. We should follow their interests to develop their character, self-esteem, and self-confidence, because what worked for us may not necessarily work for them.

Parents of America, let us nurture and embrace what our children love. Let us resume our role as parents and allow for their passions to become our own. By embracing our role of showing them love and companionship, we subconsciously teach them how to cope with stress. They don’t understand bills, they don’t understand finances, but they do understand how to be children.