This is the third and final entry for chapter 2, written by Amber. I'm guessing that you'll be just as impressed as I am at the insight she's show here. Enjoy!
Amber wrote:
This chapter, for me, was a great read. Elkind confirmed all of my suspicions about how parents rush their kids into growing up. I consistently found myself thinking, “Yes, exactly,” or “Well said.” Elkind made good points confirming what I already knew, but I also learned some new things that made me reconsider previous assumptions.
I thought it was interesting when Walt Whitman was referred to in the introduction of this chapter. As I read the excerpt from Whitman’s poem, I quickly realized that it was very familiar and then I knew why. In an English class from high school, I had to rewrite this poem using childhood memories of my own in place of Whitman’s. I realized that the meaning of this poem was about how those memories of childhood helped shape me into the person I am today. Children are going to be exposed to all kinds of experiences and I think it’s imperative that they are the ones that allow them to be kids.
One of the largest reasons that Elkind gave for parents hurrying their children is stress. While there are other factors that influence the rush, stress seems to resonate within all the factors. I think this is something that is true of society. We have enormous amounts of pressure being thrust upon us from school, work, and home life. There are so many things that parents have to deal with. Some are trying to pay for food on the table and others are going through a divorce. Elkind talked about financial problems and divorce, which were obvious to me, but he also discussed how crime and violence also caused stress. I know violence is a stressor, but I didn’t think about it in the sense of parents not wanting to let their kids go outside and be free kids like in “the old days.”
Elkind explained that, instead of letting kids go outside to play, they are being enrolled in sports. I couldn’t agree more with Elkind’s suggestion that sports aren’t doing much for kids other than increasing competitiveness. I can understand motives for parents wanting their children to be involved, but children shouldn’t be learning that winning is everything.
My sister is ten and family members will sometimes ask my mom if she will play any sports or get involved in anything. These questions often come from parents whose kids have played just about every sport and who have done many other activities. My sister has played volleyball and soccer, but quit soccer when we discovered that the coach only cared about winning. Aside from this, my sister doesn’t have a packed schedule with extra curricular activities. My mom feels that when she’s ready, she will find something she loves to do and will get involved with it. My sister will often go outside and play sports and games in the front yard at home. I think it’s great that she has the freedom and time to do that without the stress of a parent pushing her. My mom has never been one to push either one of us and I’m glad she never fell victim to the parental peer pressure Elkind described.
One thing I learned from reading this chapter relates to Elkind’s view of early academics. I have noticed how much parents push their children to excel in school. Many parents want their kids to know how to read and write even before entering kindergarten. While I think this can be a bit extreme, I didn’t know that children who began reading at a time when they wanted to were much more interested in reading at an older age. I never thought there was anything wrong with teaching a child to read at a young age. I always thought that when I have children, I would teach them to read at an early age because I want them to love reading as much as I do. I didn’t think about it in terms of “forcing” it on them. I realize now that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to wait since studies are showing how it has a better advantage.
It’s so important for parents to realize that kids need this time in their lives to be innocent, stress-free children. I’m sure all parents want the best for their kids and they want them to be successful. My favorite part of this chapter is when Elkind wrote about Mozart’s response to a composer asking him how to write a symphony. “‘But you wrote a symphony when you were eight years old.’ Without hesitation, Mozart responded, ‘Yes, that is true, but it is also true that I didn’t have to ask how.’ The point of this story, of course, is that you cannot take the exception as the rule,” (p.30). I feel that, if left to themselves, children will learn to find something they love on their own. Children don’t need adult schedules; they are too young to deal with time management, stress and difficult decision-making.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is such a great post (as are all of them -- I'm so impressed with this class)!
ReplyDeleteSomething that strikes a chord for me within this post, is the observed external pressure to comply -- that parents should get their kids reading (etc.) by Kindergarten. In reality, the situation is even worse! The "get 'em reading before Kindergarten" concept might seem to be a piece of advice, but it's really a mantra among a lot of parents and schools (and preschools)! Worse yet, if your child isn't there (e.g., reading by Kindergarten), a lot of covert shame is thrust upon you (the parent) and your child. Yet, all children develop different skills at different rates, evening out at about 7 to 9 years old (that is, they all seem pretty well matched in all areas by then). So, I wonder (constantly) why all the pressure to hurry the developmental process along?
Truly, it's a tough battle to hold off schools and other parents, while at the same time shielding your child from shame.
This one hits home for me - when my daughter started kindergarten here in Clovis (we had just moved from San Leandro where her preschool was nature based/hands on learning) it was a major culture shock for her and me - after 3 weeks she was being observed because they already felt she was ADD - I only found out because I would come into class and the person observing her asked me if I knew who she was - boy was I P...sdd. They were already setting up SST stuff for her - well she isn't ADD and she's doing fine in junior high - now it's the peer pressure stuff - CUSD is a good school district but they push and expect too much too soon and now we're having to push our son (8) to stay focused because now it's always about the tests (STAR test). What happen to enjoying AND learning in school.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your thoughts about this chapter. When I read about your mother not pressuring your younger sister to play sports, I could not help but think about this one experience I had with parents pushing their children into organized sports. One Saturday I was babysitting a four-year-old girl and took her to her soccer game. The coach was very good about giving everyone equal time and making it fun. At the end of the game, both teams gave each other high-fives. However, I could not help but notice that she did not enjoy herself. She was not aggressive in going after the ball and ended up standing around most of the time. She told me that she never made a goal during a game and that this made her feel like a failure. I tried to reassure her that she was not and it was about having fun, but it was already in her head. I wish that this girl’s parents had taken a step back to see what forcing her to play soccer was doing to her. I think that her parents fell into the trap of parental peer pressure that your mother did not.
ReplyDeleteYou did such a great job on your blog entry!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe parents and the education system these days by wanting and expecting children to be so advanced at such a young age. Children have enough stress that comes along with school and their home life that they don't need any added pressure to be higher on a rating scale than they already are. I can understand that parents only want the best for their children, but they don't really understand that it is doing more damage than good towards their education. Children need to learn at their pace and learn freely with the standards that are appropriate for their level, not for something higher. Everything is about higher education these days, to push children to learn more and to push them to their limits. What is really happening is it's not working. We are setting them up for failure. I just feel bad that children are being taught or pushed beyond their levels so their self-esteem level is set so they either succeed or fail. Emotions are strong in children and they shouldn’t feel like failures when they can succeed at their level. Parents shouldn’t set developmentally inappropriate expectations for their children because if they don't live up to them, then they will never feel like they can accomplish anything their parent's want for them.
Amber,
ReplyDeleteI think you raise a good point when you say that stress seems to be at the root of parental pressure, which too often, translates into the hurrying of children. You're right: life is hectic for all of us. But it seems to me, that today's parents in particular carry a special burden. According to Elkind, we spend so much time and energy just struggling to survive and maneuver through the daily stresses of life, that too often parenting takes the back burner (p.27). Elkind mentions that we are perhaps too tired or drained, self-centered, and stressed out to parent well. After all, good parenting requires effort, patience, enthusiasm, and strength. Today, in a desperate effort to alleviate some of their own stress, parents inadvertently place more stress on their children. In an example, some parents are experiencing anxiety over employment dissatisfaction, and as a result, take too much pride in their child's success, whether in the form of organized sports or academics. This undue parental pressure to be "the best" or "the brightest," to win or succeed at all costs, as well as the false concept of "the earlier, the better" undoubtedly contribute to the stealing of any remnant of enjoyment that may have existed prior to the parental pressure to succeed. Your mom is to be applauded for the way she is raising your ten year old sister. It sounds like your sister is being given the rare opportunity and freedom to play and explore, to choose and excel in her own way, on her own time- when she’s ready, willing, and prepared. Kudos to your mom for opting not to push you girls- for not over scheduling and overburdening you. After all, as we now better understand, forcing a child to adhere to any inappropriate demands and expectations may very well occur at a cost much greater than the so-called "benefits." I agree with you, Amber: I don't think children need any pushing. More than likely, they'll discover exactly what they want, what they love, and who they are (and will be) on their own, and in their own precious timing. It's time we let them do just that.
Having been one of those children who were enrolled in numerous sports during what seemed like every season there was a new try-out being held, I agree with this chapter. Growing up, my parents didn't force me to play, but also didn't tell me, "No, I think you should take this season off." They helped, however, through scheduling and making sure uniforms were washed and dinner was ready by the time I got home from school. It was a whirlwind of seasons while living through it, but I think I had great parents who partook in the sports alongside my brother and me. They weren't the crazy ones who yelled at the coaches or refs, but the ones in the crowd who supported their children no matter what happened.
ReplyDeleteI agree to an extent that children should have free time to just be kids, but they do also benefit from being involved with a team. In my own personal case, I feel that I was well balanced with my parents helping with scheduling and making sure I stayed on top of homework. I also had the fear of not being able to play sports if my grades started to slip.
To some extent, I feel it's okay for children to be pushed to play sports, but not to the point of causing them more harm than good. I had a cousin who suffered through shin-splints just to make her dad happy that she was able to play in a championship game. That, I believe, is pushing too far; if your child is in pain, I think it's time to allow her to rest and recuperate. It's not the end of the world if they can't compete. A child's health should be the number one thing on a parent’s mind, not just the satisfaction of winning.
Hello, Amber
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your blog entry and feel a connection with many of the points you put across. It is incredible all the stress children are have nowadays, and how the education system plays a big part in this. At an early age, children are exposed to many stressors that range from school, to playing in sports, to family problems. It’s sad that many of these children are hurried in the sense that they need to mature at an early age, due to the environment in which they live in and their family. In sports children have competitiveness, which may be good or bad. Many are forced to be involved in sports and I think it should be up to the child if he wants to play. Sports are meant to be fun and should be a positive factor for children, instead of another burden put upon children. Parents are faced with many challenges and only try to provide the best for their child, which causes them to push them to grow up at an early age. In reference to Elkind stating that parents force their children to be in sports instead of playing outside, this makes me sad. No child should have to be forced to do anything they do not want to do.
In my opinion, sports can be a good thing, in the sense that they keep children off the streets and doing things they’re not supposed to. It makes the children feel like they are a part of something, and makes them stay away from drugs and gangs, which are huge parts of society. Like Elkind states, sports bring out competitiveness in children, but it can be bad because some children take it to the extreme. And I agree that we should not push children to believe that winning is everything, but it has its advantages.